A link to this video over at Boing Boing was sent to me which was found on this page… but I’ve embedded the original You Tube video to improve the image.

Terrifyingly, it’s not that far off from accurate. Not everyone will appreciate the humour of this, nor comprehend the ‘far-fetched’ nature of some of the claims. It’s a bit like the reverse of David Mamet’s State & Main, which I viewed as a documentary but everyone else considered an absurdist comedy.

This week brought news of Lauren Conrad getting a young adult three-book deal with HarperCollins. The writing world immediately reacted in three ways:

1. bitterness, envy and hatred
2. support and comments akin to ‘good for her!’
3. indifference and a quick return to the keyboard

Let’s clear up a few things and state in a fairly neutral and non-specific manner how some things work.

…and, lest someone mistake this for official policy, note that this is my blog, not the one for the Limited Company for which I’m acting President and C.E.O.

“The Deluge” at the BPL

Publishers — including Peter Crowther, me, and HarperCollins — need to make money. Selling just enough copies of a title to cover the printing isn’t enough, we need to pay the writers, pay for shipping, pay the cover artist (possibly), and we’d rather like to put a little food on the table for ourselves (‘beer’ and ‘week’s holiday’ are pipe dreams). When a woman such as this appears and is the latest ‘hot thing’ in the media, the creation of a few ‘Horatio Alger / pull yourself up by your boot-straps’ stories for teens is a god-send. A ‘cash cow’ perhaps not, but certainly one to be taken advantage of.

This is not a bad thing, trust me.

First, it will encourage the young ’uns to read. This can never be bad, can it?

Additionally, it might give some anonymous writer some work for a few months creating the books. This is also good. It gives the Publisher a chance to find out what it’s like to work with that author on a no-risk title.

The extra income to the house permits the staff of the publisher to continue working and no-one gets laid off.

Those not laid off now are able to read more submissions.

One of those submissions could be a novel like Rain Dogs. Or even a collection called Bull Running for Girls. The increased money in the coffers of the house permits the optioning of the books to the authors of these un-tested books. Yes, they’ve sold in the triple digits, but that’s a run of ARCs for them. So what if it’s sold out its first run of… how many…? 200? It is to laugh!

The fact that a book like this bint’s has been picked up, and will likely sell like the proverbial hot cakes is good. The money will filter into other projects which will benefit you as well.

‘Quality of writing’ isn’t a question. ‘Will it sell?’ is the first and foremost one any intelligent publisher has in their mind when reading a submission. After the market is clearly present, or the way it can be created is discovered, only then does the ability to write come into examination.

The number of times I’ve watched a complete incompetent walk around on a movie sound stage being paid a good five or six figures for their few weeks’ of work is incalculable. Their ability to act in a film isn’t the question. My ability to blow them out of the room with my skills as an actor with the same character and inane dialogue isn’t of relevance. They, talentless though they may be, have A Box Office Name and the editor can work with the poor timing of delivery so that they seem brilliant (and if their tits are so high they touch their ear lobes, all the better).

It’s because of those Name Authors and Name Actors and Name Architects… etc… that those who do not have A Name can continue to do their work. The big people like Lauren Conrad, Rachael Leigh Cook, and Arthur Erickson create an awareness of the category of work they do (or attempt, anyway) that permits others in the field to peddle their wares.

No one — no one — is better or worse than another, no matter the quality or price of their wares. A success for someone in the field, no matter who they are or what their quality of output, is a step ahead.

If the latest ‘hot thing’ cannot score a deal with Hodder, or Virgin, or Knopf, or whoever, that’s a reason for moaning, as it means that no one can get a deal and it’s time to hang up your keyboard.

Here endeth the lesson.

An idea I have regarding the dimension of books and the inter-relationship of price with same.

Over at the Humdrumming blog, I’ve attempted to explain the difficulties in running a Small Press Publishing House that able to have its books in High Street Shops.

Read that here: www.humdrumming.co.uk/blog/opinions/small-press-and-high-streets.

It’s a bit like expecting to be able to order a custom-tailored suit at The Gap. It don’t work that way, lad.