Due to popular demand… Many people have asked… Someone idly asked yesterday… ‘when would this series continue?’ And so, because I am here to give the people what they want, here is what happened on the day The Colonial Went to the B.N.G.

Arising around 8:00 (although the notes for the day state an uncertainty about that time), St. Pancras International Rail Terminal is headed for, with a desire to locate coffee and food. Also, connectivity to confirm that Trudi Topham is still meeting me for the purpose of both delivering some material to me which has been ordered from both small publishers as well as through Amazon UK (which wasn’t available through Canadian sources; mostly books with different editions and/or covers), as well as accompanying me around the National Gallery.

Happily, one can check e-mail over breakfast of coffee and muffin-thing, as St. Pancras Station has free Wi-Fi! HUZZAH!

Sadly, Trudi is at King’s Cross Station on the other side of Pancras Road, but I’m able to see the grandness of this international terminal with its impressive roof of the Train Shed [image, left] which was designed by William Henry Barlow (who’s been immortalised in a statue in the Station). So, in the end, NICE!

I wander across the road, and — after working my way through a teeming mass of humanity down the entire King’s bloody Cross Station’s bloody warren of platforms and levels — locate the lady herself, complete with massive box of books. Huzzah! We head to hotel, dump the shit in my room, and then head to the wilds of the underground, where I buy an Oyster Card so as to be able to move about easily on any number of methods of available public transportation without the need to ensure my tickets not expired, correct change, and so on. For anyone visiting London, this is a boon, as you are only charged for the tickets you would normally need, but the most you can ever pay per day with this card is the maximum daily charge for unlimited use of the system and that flat rate is less than the cost of several tickets. If you plan to use the tube or the bus more than three times a day (go somewhere, go somewhere else, return to where you began), you’ve just saved money, and all you had to worry about was slapping your card on a big yellow disc when entering the tube or when both getting on and off a bus. Brilliant! Get one and make your visit to the City of Western Culture a breeze. You’ll thank me for it, I’m telling you!

The card, oddly, comes in a little yellow wallet with an advert for IKEA on the back. “Oh…! It’s got IKEA on it”, I remark to Trudi, whereupon we say “Oooooooo-OOOOOO!” at each other. Why it’s called an “Oyster Card” and not a BLAN or TORVELD as a consequence of the IKEA sponsorship is good for a few minutes of discussion. It may have something to do with IKEA’s brand-new Family Mobile — a virtual mobile phone network — but I suspect the new London Buses will be built from flat-pack kits. Read the rest of this entry »

Tags: book, books, British Fantasy Society, economy, England, FantasyCon, Humdrumming, London, National Gallery, Publishing, pubs

As a proud participant in the up-coming FantasyCon — held in Britannia Hotel, Nottingham, UK, and held by the British Fantasy Society — Humdrumming is ecstatic to announce details of their specially dedicated event on the first evening! Huzzah! The event is described as follows:

Humdrumming Announcement Event / Knees-Up (cash bar)
on the evening of Friday, September 19^th, 2008 at 7:30 pm

Due to the absence of the Colonial who is Humdrumming’s Acting C.E.O, recently retired C.E.O. Guy Adams [see right for face image] will present an amazing and inspirational list of titles that Humdrumming will be publishing before next year’s FantasyCon. Surprises galore and names you’d never expect to hear! Horror, Fantasy, SF, all genres included; even funny things! Be the first to know what wonders are in store! You’ll gasp! You’ll weep! You’ll beg for mercy!

Witness Tim Lebbon’s novella The Reach of Children being waved in the air for the first time! See the glories that are the dual art editions of Gary M^cMahon’s Rain Dogs and Peter Crowther’s The Land at the End of the Working Day!

Also included is a huge orgy of signings of Humdrumming Books:

• The Second Humdrumming Book of Horror Stories, many names, including a Guest of Honour! All completing the signing of the Hardcover Edition of the book available in an affordable and very limited quantity!
• Beneath the Surface, by Simon Strantzas (imported from the wilds of Toronto especially for your delectation!)
• Many other titles as well!

Oiled dancers will move among the crowds, jugglers and trampolines, the lame shall walk, the blind shall see, the closed minds shall be open and love will be passed among all! Let the doves be set FREE!

• rating: 18+ due to language used by the presenter

The British Fantasy Society’s FantasyCon continues (if it’s able to after this event) until the mid-afternoon of Sunday the 21^st.

More information here :
OFFICIAL HUMDRUMMING SITE: www.humdrumming.co.uk
OFFICIAL FantasyCon SITE: www.fantasycon.org.uk
OFFICIAL BRITISH FANTASY SOCIETY SITE: www.britishfantasysociety.org
OFFICIAL SIMON STRANTZAS SITE: www.strantzas.com
OFFICIAL TIM LEBBON SITE: www.timlebbon.net
OFFICIAL GARY M^cMAHON SITE: www.garymcmahon.com
OFFICIAL GUY ADAMS BLOG: lizardsplay.blogspot.com

please note: High-resolution images of book covers and some participants available upon request to those who dare.

LATER NOTE: This event occurs on International Talk Like a Pirate Day. That may make things a tad more interesting…

Tags: British Fantasy Society, FantasyCon, Gary McMahon, Guy Adams, Humdrumming Book of Horror Stories, Peter Crowther, Rain Dogs, Simon Strantzas, The Land at the End of the Working Day, The Reach of Children, Tim Lebbon

And, for those of you not checking the Humdrumming Blog on a regular basis, out now is the ‘Short List’ of those individuals and / or works which are the top five voted for (or six, if there’s a tie) by members of the British Fantasy Society and attendees of the 2007 and 2008 FantasyCons. You can read the complete list right here.

Humdrumming titles have made the short-list in two categories:

• Best Novella: All Your Gods Are Dead, Gary M^cMahon
• Best Anthology: The First Humdrumming Book of Horror Stories, Ian Alexander Martin (as editor)

The competition in both categories is considerable, and very much worthy of your regard. We are chuffed to be considered alongside them for these two awards.

Should you wish to examine these two titles for yourself, move your little clicky pointer and select the cover of the book you are intrigued by through the images below.

All Your Gods Are Dead Gary McMahon	The 1st Humdrumming Book of Horror Stories

The awards are announced on Saturday, the 20^th of September, 2008, at the Britannia Hotel, Nottingham, UK. Everyone at Humdrumming wishes the best of luck to all those nominated in every category.

Tags: 9781905532407, 9781905532483, All Your Gods Are Dead, Anthology, BFS, British Fantasy Society, FantasyCon, Gary McMahon, Humdrumming, Ian Alexander Martin, novella, The First Humdrumming Book of Horror Stories

It’s fairly simple: don’t travel.

That’s my solution; watch the Police and the Tax-Man miss me; I’m immobile!

Having arrived at the start of June realizing that The British Fantasy Society’s FantasyCon was only a little over four months away, the state of the finances of both myself and the company couldn’t be described as being ‘set on solid ground’, and indeed the great statistical likelihood that things will get worse before they get better, the decision has been arrived at that the United Kingdom will be an I.A.M.-free zone during the coming autumn.

This is not something I’m too happy about, obviously, but given the reality that I have yet to repay a single dollar of the costs of last year’s event-filled trip (my première voyage off the North American continent was destined to be legendary, and I’ve never known how to do anything in half-measures) and as my only employment is through Humdrumming it’s unlikely that I’ll be able to do anything about that in the interim, never mind get my hands on the same amount again in a matter of a dozen weeks, there was no choice but this one to be made. Granted, a way for the company to pay my way over and back could be found, but only at the cost of the authors’ well-deserved fees. This is hardly a solution, however, as the only thing that the firm has in any tangible fashion is the goodwill of the authors whose works we publish. Lose that, and the firm has little — if anything — with which to exist.

Our Table at the 2007 FantasyCon

What is potentially the most disheartening possibility is that this may be the year that Humdrumming is realistically likely to be nominated for, and potentially win, something during the BFS Awards event. Even if we were only to be granted a look in on the nominations list, the opportunities presented during three-day flurry of events to meet authors we’re publishing, as well as ones who might be a part of our stable either soon or in the more distant future, is not one which is properly appreciated until the thing is experienced. You fall into conversation with people you’d not have met otherwise, people whose work is already proudly presented is seen in a new and brighter light as a result of hearing others speak in reverential terms of the writing, perhaps a chance meeting with a Guest of Honour leads to opportunities not even considered possible until then.

Indeed, this year we have a number of wonderful books to launch, and even have a couple of wonderful things to make official announcements of for the first time. We even are to have our own book launch event, something rarely heard of for any publisher, and certainly not for one whose existence is less than five years in age.

Yet, sadly, this is the way things have transpired this year.

Ah well, one makes what decision one can based upon the information available at the time one makes it.

Still… it’s an arse, i’nit?

Tags: BFS, British Fantasy Society, FantasyCon, finances (or lack thereof), Humdrumming, Nottingham

So two weeks and I’m off! Not long then, no.

I’ve passed excited, then terrified, and am now at the point of “can’t we just get this fucking over with so I can relax and drink wine in Spain?”

I’m sure as the æroplane’s tyres leave the tarmac I shall be filled with my typical thought:

WHAT AM I DOING? THIS IS ALL WRONG!! THIS THING SHOULDN’T BE ABLE TO DO THIS! WHY IS THE HUGE, HEAVY OBJECT RISING FROM THE GROUND?!? WE BELONG DOWN THERE, NOT UP HERE DEFYING ALL THE GOD-GIVEN PHYSICAL LAWS!!

Later on I’ll turn to wondering if the mechanics of the ‘plane will fail, a bomb will be ignited, some wack-o will attack the pilot(s), or a crate of serpents will be opened in the hold. The flight’s 9½ hours… there’s a lot that can be worried about during 9½ hours… and I’m an over-achiever, so…

Am I nervous? Not really, just one possessing a logical mind. I sit in a seat, look out the window, the plane leaves the ground, I realize I am now 300 feet up, humans aren’t built for that, I comprehend things are wrong, and logically panic. Fairly straight-forward.

Granted, once the plane’s up, I’m fine; it’s the time before the ground becomes so far away it looks like a satellite map that I’m a bit uncomfortable. Landing and taking off are, after all, 95% of all the times anything can — and usually does — go wrong on a flight. Let’s face it, trans-Atlantic mid-air collisions are not ten to the penny. Badly placing an A330 in the middle of some built-up area of Norwich, however, is a bit more statistically likely.

Am I used to long travel? Hell no. I’m able to recall every single time I’ve travelled by plane with crystal clarity. They number only four total occasions (in round trip terms), the most recent when I met Jennifer in California nine years ago [image from the trip, left]; the first being when I was four or so and we flew about as far as London to Paris.

Yes, really.

The advice I’ve heard about dealing with jet-lag, etc is much like what Cotts advised me to do:

There is a fairly simple answer to making the flight better for yourself and unsurprisingly it is ‘Cure All’! I implemented such a plan when flying back from the US a couple of weeks ago. Don’t be afraid to ask for more than one drink when they come round in the beginning of the flight, I found that 2 large Gin and Tonics and and airline sized bottle of wine did the trick. After that, you will eat your somewhat tasteless meal and be asleep before you know it. Job done.

A fine plan, except that I’ll be flying on an airline where they demand payment for their tiny servings, but according to him, the better price is had paying in Dollars than Sterling. No idea why, but apparently the price is better.

Anyway, the procedure I’m intending to follow doesn’t involve the cure-all. Eat lightly or snack/graze, drink much liquid (juice, water, etc) but no liquor, stay awake or nap lightly, arrive and eat the local meal at the correct hour, then sleep at the same schedule as the locals.

Ta-da; instant native adjustment. I’m told.

However, I have a nine-hour-plus flight that leaves at almost 9:00pm local time, arrive in the early afternoon at Gatwick on the Saturday, then drive up the motorway to Stratford (getting out of Greater London as fast as possible to avoid the gits who drive the area blind-folded… and may actually do so). So maybe the cure is good to put me to sleep, then wake-up on the plane at 8:00am GMT, and then adjust from there?

It seems that plans are well under-way for welcoming committees to line the streets of Shakespeare’s Stratford upon my arrival. According to our man on the ground there, the locals have been constructing a triumphal arch in the main street, the hotel is altering its menu to include a salmon course to be followed by maple syrup marinated caribou steaks then dessert of raspberry pie with Canadian cheddar on top. All accompanied with a flight of Okanagan wine, naturally.

The local shops will have “Grade, Eh?” sales as well, with prices of “whatever you can carry out is free” for anyone carrying a valid Canadian passport. Looking forward to getting my own Jester’s cap with jingling bells.

Then, on to FantasyCon, which is September the 21^st through the 23^rd inclusive, at the Britannia Nottingham Hotel (formally Holiday Inn Nottingham City Centre part of the Intercontinental Group), #1 St James Street, Nottingham [image, below left], and we’re staying there as well as the events being held in the convention rooms due to it being, according to the promotional bumpf:

…the city’s premier hotel. Adjacent to Nottingham Castle, it has a superb city centre location and is the perfect base for exploring all the sights of Nottingham.

The hotel is situated near to Nottingham Castle, Trent Bridge Cricket Ground, Victoria Shopping Centre and the Nottingham City business district, proving an ideal location for both business and pleasure. Nottingham is also renowned for its vibrant and popular nightlife.

Night life which includes being dragged up an alley and getting the boots, apparently. The city has the distinction as being ‘one of England’s Hard Cities’. Never saw having six types of shit out of one’s body as either “popular” or “vibrant”, but I suppose it takes all sorts…

Somewhere in the hotel will be the “Dealers’ Room” for the British Fantasy Society’s “FantasyCon”, or failing that we’ll be in the hotel’s pub. Friday we’re out for curry around 10:30 with a gang of famous authors (well, “industry fame”, not popular variety) but we’ll be easy to spot either earlier that evening or the next day. I’m sure asking at the desk during the event will cause them to roll their eyes and beg you to drag us from the building so that their rooms will be in fewer pieces.

And let’s look at those rooms…

All bedrooms are maintained to a high standard, and are decorated in a bright, and contemporary style. All beds now feature a luxury duvet and cotton bedcovers.

If that’s the way my room’s decorated, there’s no way I won’t wake up quickly in the morning. ‘Strooth! Turn on the light and I’ll be alert, that’s for sure! Hangovers will be especially painful, I expect.

Speaking of which, I’m told that last year, the hotel’s pub (Calahan’s [image, below left]) ran out of beer on the first evening. Literally ran dry of beer. The amount they had on hand they expected was to last the entire week-end. But it was tapped-out after one evening. The pub didn’t re-open until they had received a new delivery from the brewers the next day. This was deemed to be “far too late in the day” and it ought to have re-opened far earlier than 11:00 to quell the complaints.

That’s 11:00 in the morning.

No, that’s not hyperbole.

“It’s quite disturbing how much these people can drink”, as The Velvet Prince says.

I intend to blog from there as access and brain-clarity permit. Here’s hoping.

Tags: Air Transat, AirTransat, FantasyCon, jet-lag, money (lack of it), Nottingham, plane, pointlessness, Simon Strantzas, travel