For a start, you’re not moving from your chair for an hour. You’re going to watch this entire show, that’s why. It aired possibly only once (twice at the most) way back in the late-’80s on CBC and I don’t think it ever surfaced again. As far as I’m aware, it’s never been made available for purchase, either (or it certainly wasn’t ever advertised properly). The one time it definitely ran was during New Year’s Day, when people typically aren’t able to make sense of anything.

The following is the ‘mock-umentary’ about Canada’s secret plan to take-over the USA through our own Lebensraum programme turning America’s greatest weapon upon itself: the Entertainment Industry.

Some of the performances are inspired, some genius, and all with complete and enthusiastic co-operation. All those individuals identified as Canadians are, in fact, Canadians, no matter how easily you recognize them from American movies and TV. That’s just how successful ‘the Conspiracy’ was, you see.

The fact that the ‘news’ of this ‘conspiracy’ was disseminated on a day when most of the world was a bit hung-over, only leads to further PROOF of an attempt to COVER-UP ‘the TRUTH’!!

Profuse thanks to Sean for locating this on YouTube. You are a Rock Star, sir!

The rest of you: enjoy. The following may explain something of why I’m often seen sitting in corners of foreign rooms quietly listening to your conversations: a plot is being formed… Mwwaa-ha-ha!!

We’re known in this land for being polite. Painfully so, actually. ‘Fair play’ and ‘good manners’ are something that often are ridiculed on the World Stage, but given we’re next-door to the Yanqui Bastards it’s a bit of a challenge to not look polite in contrast.

Here, thanks to YouTube’s ability to serve up any bit of video which was broadcast in the last forty years or more (no matter if it was cleared for web-distribution or not), is Antony St. George apologising to the USA for so very many things.

Note the firm placement of his tongue in the side of his cheek doesn’t at any time hinder his ability to speak clearly! Ah, the benefits of the Canadian accent.

Don’t forget about the Paul Magrs contest in the post below this one. Worthwhile reading is always something worth… doing… while… you’re… never mind.

Many of you — possibly 75% of you actually, are not sitting in the Dominion of Canada when reading this. Many of you still wonder ‘when I’ll be writing that book explaining Canada to foreigners?’ Well, after seeing things like this video from Rick Mercer I realise there isn’t any need to add to the material available. The man has the entire thing tapped (or ‘taped’, if you’re in the UK). Thankfully, I’ve just run across a post over at Tentative Equinox (happy belated Spring, by the way, oh belovèd TE)

The thing to remember here is that 99% of the things stated in this, which may seem at first glance to be a skit, are correct. Queen Elisabeth [hurrah!] is the titular Queen of Canada and holds that office when in the Dominion (so named because she has dominion over it and therefore us [hurrah!]), and the parliamentary democratic system of government we employ operates in exactly the way he explains. The election described is the one in October of last year which was held whilst I was in London (for a reaction to its results, go here to read the post¹).

Sometimes the strangest turn of events is more accurate than anything a writer of fiction might concoct on his best day following a morning reading in the British Library and stopping off for a double espresso on the way back to the keyboard.

The only thing better than this at explaining matters political is the introduction to “side two” of the Blues Brothers’ concert album Made in America which begins with the Blues Brothers’ All-Star Blues Band (Paul “The Shiv” Shaffer², conductor) playing the tune “Green Onions”, and then continues as Elwood J. Blues (played by Dan Aykroyd³) appears on stage to give the crowd a straight-forward lecture on “How Geopolitical Structures are Affected by Cultural Developments (and the Chrysler 440 Cubic-Inch Engine)” [ED. — not its actual title]. Brilliance and absurdity, all with a chunka-chunka Memphis back-beat! Possibly the finest way that Political Science and Social Geography has ever been presented as part of a rock show. Not there’s much competition,granted… outside of U2 concerts and Press Conferences…

If only I could locate a CD of that album… damn, that record is everything one could want and a long sleep-in the next morning.

So… That’s Canada, in a sense: we all want records made by our countrymen playing music developed from songs sung by African Slaves in the United States of America. Which is a change from having the English singing them [c.f. any recording by The Beatles and the Rolling Stones]

¹ While I did have a rather emotional response to the results, it was with more disappointment than anything else. Our PM, while I may not agree with his policies or management style, bear him no ill will as a person and am certain he loves his wife and children, is a friend to small dogs, etc. I’m certain he and I could have a beer together and discuss things such as the economy and the arts and agree to disagree about the priorities of them both to the nation’s well-being. ‘Live and let live’; ‘I may not agree with what you say, but I’ll fight to the death for your right to say it’; and all that. Except Mr. Harper may have to pick up the tab for the beer, as I’m a struggling Canadian Publishing Entrepreneur and could use some government financial stimulation even if that’s merely an evening of pints.

² Canadian

³ also a Canadian

While in the UK, there was a Federal Election. The Conservative Party was returned to power, and here’s why I’m pissed off about the fact; ignoring philosophies, the problem is with a lack of logic.

Since I [Mariane Lepa] started doing Arts News Canada four years ago, I’ve come to appreciate just how much creativity, talent and imagination there is in this country from coast to coast to coast to political border. In fact, I’ve become so immersed in what Canadian artists are doing, I am a little surprised when I’m confronted with Canada’s low-level image beyond our borders.

I expect it from Americans — that’s just how they are (if you’ll permit me the over generalization) — but I don’t expect it from the UK. Certainly with all the conflict Britons have endured, internally and externally, in the name of cultural uniqueness, I have always thought we had a kindred spirit in our struggle to remain unique despite looming geopolitical influences just beyond our borders. So it came as a surprise to see the their perception of Canada described as “the US’s slightly slow cousin” in an weekend article on the London Guardian’s website.

Jean Hannah Edelstein is a London-based former New Yorker, who attended university in Montréal. Before coming to Canada, she “spent very little time even thinking about Canada, much less reading about it.” But upon arriving in Montréal to study, “I was swiftly — within hours — disabused of the south-of-the-border assumption that everyone in Canada is a bit sorry they’re not American.”

Her article in the Guardian is about Canadian literature, and she regrets that Michael Redhill’s novel, Consolation, did not make the shortlist for this year’s Man Booker prize.

“But though I can’t help but bristle when I come across people being dismissive of Canadian writing,” she writes, “I was disheartened when I worked in publishing to find that ‘Canadian’ is an adjective often used to justify not publishing a book in the UK.”

Accepting that Margaret Atwood has a well-deserved international reputation for her work, Edelstein goes on to list works by poets Gwendolyn MacEwen, Robert Kroetsch, and George Elliot Clark; novelists Robert McGill and Miriam Toews, and francophone writers Roch Carrier, Gisele Villeneuve and Monique Proulx, as worthy as anything else being published internationally.

She says, “a preoccupation with naming and identity runs through a great deal of the classic of CanLit, as writers attempt to explain what it means for a country to be a ‘cultural mosaic’ rather than an American-style melting pot.”

Canadians are right to reject “American-ness”, she says. “Canadians are quietly and deservedly smug about their rich and distinctive culture, which includes a distinguished literary canon.”

You can read Edelstein’s article in the Guardian at: blogs.guardian.co.uk/books/2007/10/dont_look_down_on_canadian_lit.html

Huzzah! More grist for the mill of my book!

As a recent visitor to the UK, I can confirm that the Mother Land is a bit thin on details about ‘The Colony Over There’. The sheer size of our country is beyond them; they know it’s big, but ‘it’s not bigger than France and Germany combined, right?’ [NOTE: not an actual quote]

Actually I staggered myself with the reality that the distance from Victoria to St. John’s is equal to County Cork to the middle of Pakistan.

The Canadian authors known are few and far between, with people like Ms Atwood being an exception probably due to the RCS recent stage adaptation of The Penelopiad. Mordechi Richler is another one who is known, but not as a Canadian per se; merely as a good writer. Carol Shields is somewhat known, barely, Leonard Cohen is unknown as Canadian, a poet, or a singer — although I can see this being understandable — but mostly not at all.

Again, we’ve done a bad job of selling ourselves.

“Canadians kick ass!” isn’t a good approach either, as this sort of ‘in your face’, ‘we’re fucking important, so respect us or we’ll kick your teeth in’ doesn’t get one anywhere either.

Soon, I hope, we’ll be quietly able to introduce our works to the world and let the quality of them speak for themselves. Only then will we deserve the attention of the world for our culture.