There will be more reviews soon-ish, including all four of the Indiana Jones Trilogy, the Lord of the Rings Special Extended Butt-Massage Requiring Edition (The Two Towers is 223 minutes long on its own, fer Pete’s sake!), and many many others.

However, here are some films which I pray to God never get made, but apparently are actually a part of this year’s American Film Market (whatever that is, head to Wired for more on that, I suppose).

Now remember, these are real posters for real films that people are trying to get made.

This is one of the odder situations I’ve ever encountered. The original film has a couple of things in the way of a fair assessment of the merits of the movie itself: as well as the ‘wrap-around’ material provided by the people at Mystery Science Theatre 3000, there’s the necessity of the TV presentation format’s commercial breaks on top of that.

Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966)

To be brutally frank, nothing is really going to help this film, as it really is just that bad. You could get a perfect print struck from the original source negatives (apparently Quentin Tarrantino has a 35mm print he cherishes), digitally re-mastered sound with a THX quality signal, sit at the ‘sweet spot’ from the screen in an ergonomically ideal chair, eat a stream of perfectly popped and salted popcorn, and the end result would still make you want to find the person responsible for the thing and force them to swear that, as long as they live, they’ll “never again even consider making a movie”.

For some context, here’s a review from the Internet Archive Movie Archive (where you can even DOWNLOAD A COPY to watch the ‘source material’ for the MST3K version):

Reviewer: earplay – September 23, 2011
Subject: Don’t despair!

If you’ve watched Manos, you are probably in a deep funk… and will be for some time. Perhaps the rest of your life if you don’t take remedial action.

I think the only way to clear your palate of this movie is to watch it again as Joel and the Bots of MST3K take it apart. …

Some movies are just plain bad, some are so bad that they’re good, but Manos transcends all that! Ed Wood is Hitchcock or Buñel or D.W. Griffith in comparison.

Rating: –5 Stars

Yes, that’s a negative five, and yes, that’s the maker of Plan 9 from Outer Space being praised for their superior film-making skills in comparison to this. The rating on the IMDb for Manos has it rated at 1 1/2 stars, placing it at #4 on the “Bottom 100″ list.

So… it’s not just me.

There are times repeatedly that people will repeat their lines a couple of times repetitively. Initially I wondered why in blazes they did that. Once the thing was done, my theory had changed several times to settle on “they needed to fill the 74 minutes up somehow”. A bit of research, however, changed this yet again to my current thinking: it was just that badly assembled and no-one had a clue about how to “match edit” a film. The damned thing took eleven weeks to shoot – during the process crew members started calling it “Mangos: The Cans of Fruit” ¹ instead of the actual title – and the shooting process was often interrupted owing to the camera used being a 16mm Bell & Howell, spring-powered, hand-wound unit that could only record thirty-two seconds of film at a time² which further complicated the putting together of the piece. As much as you can cover things by using a second or so of another actor’s reaction to something, eventually you have to stick together two pieces of film of the same actor crossing the room, and the two different sections of that motion don’t match properly so the guy jumps three feet forward where the join exists.

The fact that the Screenwriter is also the Director who happens to be the lead male Actor as well as the Producer, and he’s never directed a film, written a screenplay, produced, or acted before… well, this isn’t a good foundation upon which to build, is it? Initially I thought maybe the lines get repeated due to bad writing, which could be the case to an extent.

Manos: The Bacchae Scene

The acting, direction, costumes, and camera-work are bottom-notch. Where ‘day for night’ scenes could have been accomplished, ‘night with bloody bright lamps for night’ are implemented (except for a bit at night that cuts to film of a rattle-snake which was pulled from Disney stock nature footage and shows the animal in daylight on some purple cloth³), and interiors seem to have been lit with all the subtlety of the headlights of a 1957 Buick switched to “high-beam” as soon as the actors are more than ten feet from the camera (closer than that they’re on ‘low’ and when the camera is much closer than about seven feet everything’s about four ‘ƒ-stops’ over-exposed).

All of the dialogue is dubbed – badly – using a grand total of three voice actors – two male and one female – resulting in an entire conversation between the father character Michael and one of the police officers obviously involving only one of the voice talents. Further joy is to be had late in the film with a group discussion taking place among five different women around a camp-fire – again clearly only one woman is actually speaking despite the fact we have differing faces having that sound come out of them – but, thankfully, this rapidly breaks into a wrestling match between the ladies in their negligées as you can see in the image on the left (for more images and a far more detailed break-down of the film, head to THIS PAGE on I-Mockery.com).

Two final points

• “manos” is the Spanish word for “hands”, so the title in effect is “Hands: The Hands of Fate”
• the poster image up there is one I created by combining an original poster and a couple of elements from MST3K, as the DVD cover almost makes it look semi-respectable

I swear that there is only one way you can have possibly ever seen anything as bad as this before: you’ve already seen Manos: The Hands of Fate.

The boys at Mystery Science Theatre 3000 do a fair decent job providing sarcastic comments, but I could have done without the commercial interruptions as the visual onslaught really ought to have been continuous for greater impact. The ‘bumpers’ of studio stuff either side of the commercial breaks could have been done away with as well, mostly due to anything you can come up with is inherently not going to be as funny or awful as the film they’re mocking. This damned film really is the worst thing ever created and trying to compete with it is quite fruitless.

Simply awful.

You’ve got to see this!

Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966)

Director: Harold P. Warren

Writer: Harold P. Warren (screenplay)

Cited Sources

1. Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966) – Trivia – IMDb: IMDb.com/title/tt0060666/trivia?tab=tr&item=tr0769206 [ return ]
2. “The Hand That Time Forgot” (May 1996); Mimosa, pp. 35 – 38: Jophan.org/mimosa/m18/brandt.htm [ return ]
3. op cit.: IMDb.com/title/tt0060666/trivia?tab=gf&item=gf0814244 [ return ]

This year, I’ve been watching DVDs from the library for a number of reasons, mostly to do with a combination of “filling in the gaps in my ‘pop culture’ knowledge”, as well as a concerted effort to better understand story editing by both watching a film and then re-watching listening to people who have studied that particular movie for years in order to better appreciate the themes, plot construction, symbolism, and so on.

The process would be nothing without the secondary audio tracks. Sometimes it’s like having actually been through the film-making process with the people involved.

PART OF A MARATHON, ONE AFTERNOON VIEWING OF EPISODES 1 – 3

Star Wars: Episode 1, The Phantom Menace (1999)

Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999)

The starting 20 minutes of this is so dense in its provision of information and background, coupled with explosions and action, that it could easily be provided in a movie of its own. I had to re-start the film in order to catch material not understood (although I was stuffing envelopes at the time).

The characters could have used more humanity, and the creatures could have used it as well. There’s so much on display for the sake of “lookey and see what we can do digitally!”

A fair start, with promise.

Star Wars: Episode 2, Attack of the Clones (2002)

Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002)

The whole “I’ve gotta find my mother” sequence is a direct lift from John Ford’s The Searchers, including (but probably not limited to) an exact duplication of the shot where the young hero drops off a flat rock to the valley floor below. By “exact”, I mean just that: the identical rock and valley are used, he’s the head-strong male seeking a relative, the kidnappers are encamped in tents and are described as “animals”, the relative dies, and the young male goes on a killing spree. This might be called “honouring the earlier work”, but it’s too much of a lift from the western for that really.

In the last film, Natalie Portman was the one who was the weakest actor, now it’s Hayden Christiansen who sucks. So very tiring.

Again, we have oodles of plot points and story detail with equal amounts of action; all of which leaves you tired. “Something for everyone” does make for a bit of a muddle for all.

The all-digital film making is on show at a few places quite badly: when Aniken zooms off to the horizon on his bike to locate the Tuskan Raiders’ camp, he remains sharp no matter how far he is from us, when he would become fuzzy from the dust in the air and the heat from the ground; when zooming around in an asteroid field after Jango Fett and his son Boba, Qi-Jon (or however it’s spelled) narrowly misses perfectly detailed rocks right in front of us that are matched in perfection to the ones far away. This all sounds needlessly picky, but no matter what your photo experience, something at least subconsciously ‘feels wrong’. Bah!

Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (2005)

Until this viewing, I had never seen this instalment

Aniken can act now, and thankfully there’s no ‘newbie’ in the cast this time. Thank God.

In a frantic effort to shove the final threads into place so as to dove-tail perfectly with “A New Hope”, Lucas crams everything into the 145-minute experience filling every nook and cranny with explosions, colour, story points, dialogue, display panels, and anything else he can lay his hands on. Michael Bay would look on it as being a rough edit which required more post-production work, probably, but the need for all this wasn’t something for which the undertaking was altogether wise.

Surely the audience doesn’t need everything explained or perfectly linked on to the second trilogy? Is there no mystery permitted in life any more?

Yes, the creation of Darth Vader in both spiritual and physically recognizable form is accomplished — and should be, probably — but do we need to have another homage to John Ford with a brilliant sunset behind a silhouetted rancher family as an end-shot? Do we need to see our now-separated twins with their loving protectors? Did we even need to see the twins named at birth? Surely we knew who they were when Padmi was pregnant! If we follow the line of the story logically, we find out who Luke and Leia are in the later episodes! Behold! A spoiler created to spoil the spoilers we might have had!

While this may be the best of the three prequals, if the first two episodes had been stretched over three instalments and this one was not used at all, more character and story development might have been accomplished without the WHAM!! BAMM! getting in the way so much.

Pfah.

This year, I’ve been watching DVDs from the library for a number of reasons, mostly to do with a combination of “filling in the gaps in my ‘pop culture’ knowledge”, as well as a concerted effort to better understand story editing by both watching a film and then re-watching listening to people who have studied that particular movie for years in order to better appreciate the themes, plot construction, symbolism, and so on.

The process would be nothing without the secondary audio tracks. Sometimes it’s like having actually been through the film-making process with the people involved.

Sadly, in my opinion, Harper has been handed a blank cheque to do whatever he wants, with no punishment in the offing. The national voters seem to have said “whatever it takes” in order to get whatever it is that is their individual priority. This makes me sad.

As with the previous post, what follows is a copy of my stream as I “live tweeted” the returns (which is hardly a verb, but I haz not a shit to carez for dat as the LOL-kidz say. This will again be in reverse chronology, so head to the bottom to work your way from start to finish.

	oytamarind Brad K — RT by IanAMartin What part of “CONTEMPT OF PARLIAMENT” do you guileless sheep not understand?! #elxn41 24 minutes ago
	@thedarkerside We’ll all be safe once everyone is in jail! …oh, wait… #elxn41bc 15 minutes ago
	#elxn41bc Bby Douglas is going to be a very close one again. NDP 43% to CPC 39%. I smell re-count. 17 minutes ago
	JonJennings Jon Jennings — RT by IanAMartin If one good thing comes out of this, it’ll be me finally applying for my citizenship so I can vote against these liars & criminals next time
	#elxn41bc Canada has handed Harper a blank cheque. What in blazes are we going to do until someone locks him in jail? 20 minutes ago
	@Astrogirl426 The PM + his Gov’t was charged with “contempt” (and that was a new charge to my ears) and out-right lied during campaign. Sad. 22 minutes ago
	@Astrogirl426 About to begin second glass of wine. #elxn41bc 25 minutes ago
	#elxn41bc Here’s a question: does this mean a resurgence of the Proportional Representation, I wonder? 25 minutes ago
	reneestephen Renée Stephe–RT by IanAMartin They used to say that Canada trails the US by about 10 years in terms of trends. We’re right on track, I guess. 26 minutes ago
	pqpolitics Pete Quily–RT by IanAMartin “I will serve as long as the party wants me to serve and not a day longer” Iggy Not long I’d suggest #elxn41 #lpc 27 minutes ago
	@Astrogirl426 Holy crap, it’s like 1980 when Reagan cleaned-up in California and re-drew everything conservative. #elxn41bc 28 minutes ago
	#elxn41bc Wow the CBC Translator’s microphone really needs to be grounded. Terrible buzz! 29 minutes ago
	@harrietglynn Don’t forget that the CPC is the Reform with new name, it’s NOT the old Tories. @smuttysteff @anthonyfloyd #elxn41bc 30 minutes ago
	PhoeLam Phoenix Lam–RT by IanAMartin In other news…my cat just ran into the door. LOL 31 minutes ago
	@smuttysteff @anthonyfloyd Well, it’s certainly the end of the [Liberal] party that we have known over the years. 33 minutes ago
	#elxn41bc Burnaby South/New West looks like NDP again. It moves around a bit historically. 34 minutes ago
	@AnthonyFloyd There’s some coughing [in the Liberal crowd] a second ago. I think they’re all incredibly stunned. #elxn41bc 35 minutes ago
	#elxn41bc Libby Davies ahead by over 2:1 and solid enough to call that one. 36 minutes ago
	#elxn41bc Liberals down 44 seats. It’s almost as bad as Kim Campbell taking Mulrony’s drubbing for him. 37 minutes ago
	#elxn41bc How odd that the crowd in front of Ignatieff isn’t doing traditional vocal denial of results when he congratulates Harper/Leighton. Well, okay, not odd; telling. 37 minutes ago
	@harrietglynn @smuttysteff Ken Dryden is behind substantially. I’ve said it before: there is no safe seat this year. 39 minutes ago
	CBCStephenQuinn Stephen Quinn–RT by IanAMartin Duceppe defeated. elxn41bc 41 minutes ago
	@Zoeyjane “Even the Bruins won”…? What riding were they in? I was… oh. sorry. #elxn41bc 40 minutes ago
	#elxn41bc Van South 1300 to 1100 (CPC to Liberal) 41 minutes ago
	ounodesign ouno–RT by IanAMartin RT @AndyJukes: Don’t call them Tories. The Tory party is long gone. These people are right-wing lunatics, plain and simple. #elxn41 42 minutes ago
	@AnthonyFloyd Pardon? Oh, I suppose that [Elisabeth May is] independent/other until [the Greens] have official status. [Vancouver East MP Libby Davies] got 550 to 235 last I saw. …so that’s something. #elxn41bc 44 minutes ago
	#elxn41bc BBY-Douglas is now NDP 46% to Cons 39%. And it just went there from a wider margin. Eeep! ~ Elizabeth May 566, next one is 543. 45 minutes ago
	CBCVancouver CBC Vancouver–RT by IanAMartin Type in your postal code and get results for your riding http://bit.ly/elnK8g #elxn41 50 minutes ago
	CBCStephenQuinn Stephen Quinn–RT by IanAMartin Popular Vote so Far: CPC 40 NDP 31 Lib 20 BQ 5 Green 3.5 #elxn41bc National Numbers 50 minutes ago
	#elxn41bc @harrietglynn Totally. [The Liberal’s drubbing is] a bullet [Ignatieff] will not dodge. Paul Martin bowed out after a far better position. 1 hour ago
	#elxn41bc @cbcnewsbc says independent/other in one riding. Please tell me this is Helena Georgis (badly spelled: turfed by Harper for rumours) 1 hour ago
	#elxn41bc Hating m keyboard layout. Hating! 1 hour ago
	vancouver East.#elxn41bc Libbie Davies ahead 2:1 in ~~ 1 hour ago
	#elxn41bc Elisabeth May is in very slim lead by 39 votes. @Herne Ignatieff STILL behind by nearly 1,000 votes. ~ Bob Rae is very tight in the lead. ~ 1 hour ago
	EmmeRogers Emme Rogers–RT by IanAMartin What happened with the University Vote Mobs? Please don’t tell me they voted Conservative or neglected to actually vote? 1 hour ago
	#elxn41bc Chilliwack-Fraser Canyon sees Strahl’s son in with a 2:1 rate. Surprising, given his lack of experience. Vancouver-East: Con high 300, Liberal mid-200. The BQ and Liberals are both down the same amount of popular vote. Ken Dryden is out! KEN DRYDEN!!!! Un-be-liev-a-ble. 1 hour ago
	#elxn41bc @cbcnewsbc now caling Conservative Majority. I am getting wine now. BBY-Doug NDP ahead by 66%. Conservatives 2nd place, AND THEY DID NOTHING FOR THAT! 1 hour ago
	#elxn41bc Vancouver south: CPC 120, to Lib 90-odd. Sorry, @julesjulesjules ~ Vancouver East 216 to 135 (NDP vs. Cons) 1 hour ago
	smuttysteff Steffani Cameron–RT by IanAMartin 1 hour ago Anyone who didn’t vote today, they ever fucking whine to me about this country, NOT slapping them might be impossible.
	Herne Herne–RT by IanAMartin Gilles Duceppe is out! Ignatieff is still down by 1,000 votes! #cdnpoli #elxn41
	#elxn41bc There are no safe seats tonight. People have abandoned the Liberals and gone NDP? How ARE the Cons getting this support? 2 hours ago
	@jpadamson Usually, yes, but [Libby Davies’] lead right now is still very slim. Everything in Canada is up for change from the norm it seems. #elxn41bc 2 hours ago
	#elxn41bc Bby-Douglas 205 NDP, CPC 104. Again, close. ~ Vancouver East is 150 to 120 for NDP, but still too early. ~ Kooteney is CPC 2:1, Okanagan is CPC 7:3, New West-Coquitlam very very close. 2 hours ago
	#elxn41bc Vancouver East might not go NDP, but all numbers below 100 ~ Rishmond: CPC 4:1 [I swear I hadn’t even opened wine at this point] ~ Okanagan Shuswap: CPC 2:1 ~ Delta-Richmond CPC 3:1 ~ Bby-Douglas looks like NDP so far. ~ 2 hours ago
	@julesjulesjules so very saddening. #elxn41bc #whereIsThatWine ~ South Surry: CPC by 3:1 ~ Cariboo: CPC by 3:1 ~ Too Close to call: Vcvr-Quadra, Vcvr-Kingsway. Both look NDP-leaning 2 hours ago
	CBCVancouver CBC Vancouver–RT by IanAMartin Current results: CON 153 NDP 106 LIB 31 BQ 4 #elxn41 2 hours ago
	@inkcanada Even URBAN Ontario has gone blue. What country is this? Has John A come back? #elxn41bc 2 hours ago
	inkcanada Karen Walton–RT by IanAMartin Ontario, I never knew ye. You have swallowed the Kool-Aid and yet hate on pre-change US? Really, rural ON. wow. 2 hours ago
	@Watcher58 That’s what I thought. It’s like Reagan cleaning-up in California. By today’s standards, Reagan would make a good Liberal leader. #elxn41bc 2 hours ago
	#elxn41bc Richmond is CPC (Wong) by 151 to 36 for liberals ~ Kootenay is CPC (Wilkes) by 2:1 ~ If there’s oodles of conservative support, why am I living here still? #whereIsThatWine 2 hours ago
	#elxn41bc According to CBC prediction: Conservatives 153 seats. One more and they’ll have a true majority. Oops! 151 seats now. 2 hours ago
	#elxn41bc Duceppe behind by 1/3 in his riding. Harper’s ahead by 500% in his riding. Ignatieff behind by 10% in his. 2 hours ago
	CBCStephenQuinn Stephen Quinn–RT by IanAMartin Wait… BC could decide on whether it’s a CPC majority. Don’t turn it off yet! #elxn41bc 20 hours ago
	#elxn41bc Ontario is rejecting the Liberals in droves. I’ve never seen that. I wonder when it last was this way. Duceppe and Ignatieff are both trailing in 2nd place in their ridings. The whole Canadian Political map is being redrawn. The clear message voters are giving is “Harper can do ANYTHING he wants.” So very sad. 20 hours ago
	@TheresaLalonde #elxn41bc I suspect that Justin [Trudeau] might actually refuse to run for leader [of the Canadian Liberal Party]. He’s already seen what that demands. 20 hours ago
	#elxn41bc CBC predicts NDP as er Majesty’s Loyal Opposition. I can live with that. ~ …okay. Conservatives 138, NDP 87, Lib 29, BQ 6. Time for wine, I think. ~ What with the results we have now, the desire to start a pool about when @petermansbridge sits down calls to me. 20 hours ago
	smuttysteff Steffani Cameron–RT by IanAMartin Don’t know why I’m even planning to watch the election results. I wonder if there’s a hole I can go stick my head in somewhere. 20 hours ago
	#elxn41bc Volpe is at HALF the CPC candiate’s numbers. What the hell happened? I didn’t think the Conservatives had a chance! I know long-term Tories who refused to vote for the Harper-led party. Ajax/Pickering: CPC ahead by 25%. Ignatieff is ahead by one. ONE vote! Incredible. Totally insane. 20 hours ago
	#elxn41bc Things are early still, but CBC TV saying 132 Con, 70 NDP, Lib 29, Bloc 5. Missed the radio numbers. Volpe is out, PC replaced him in Eglington. Surprising. So is Soloman waving his arms around. Not normal for him. 20 hours ago
	CBCAlerts CBC News Alerts–RT by IanAMartin Cabinet ministers Peter MacKay, Gail Shea re-elected . Defence minister wins in NS, fisheries minister wins in PEI. 20 hours ago
	#elxn41bc CBC reporting 62 NDP seats, Liberals 27, Bloc 5. Liberals looking worst in its history. CBC projecting CPC government with 131 seats (150 for majority). #whereIsThatWine 20 hours ago
	smuttysteff Steffani Cameron–RT by IanAMartin Global is apparently CALLING the election nationally without even having had polls close on the west? If so, fuck off, Global. Asshats. 20 hours ago
	#elxn41bc I still say the easiest process for voting is a pencil and a bit of paper. #HangingChads 20 hours ago
	#elxn41bc Damned fingers are cold, plus a bandage on one of them, and this netbook has an 80% keyboard. #NotDrinkingYet #Really #Seriously 20 hours ago
	CBCStephenQuinn Stephen Quinn–RT by IanAMartin 8 minutes Until we are able to report results. Man. Long eight minutes. 20 hours ago
	#elxn41bc I’m guessing that Vancouver-South will be Dosanj due to Leung’s civil case and Malik’s approval. …okay, HOPING that happens. 20 hours ago
	CBCVancouver CBC Vancouver–RT by IanAMartin 11 minutes left before results @petermansbridge continues to introduce the Canada Votes panel #elxn41 20 hours ago
	#elxn41bc Hearing @CBCStephenQuinn discussing Social Media #tweettheresults points. AM 690 / FM 88.1 20 hours ago
	gaybachelorblog Gay Bachelor Blog–RT by IanAMartin #tweettheresults The blueberries are at 25, the strawberries at 21, oranges at 15 20 hours ago
	Jessica Adamson @jpadamson–RT by IanAMartin UBC students are getting turned away from the polls? Does anyone have confirmation. #elxn41bc 20 hours ago
	Herne Herne–RT by IanAMartin Canada : Stephen Harper breaks election rules, campaigns on radio on election day http://herne.me/isuIAa #cdnpoli #elxn41 20 hours ago
	#elxn41bc Narduar on TV right now with Ignatief. Thank goodness the signal’s muted. ~ Burnaby-Douglas was NDP last time by 700 votes, CPC 2nd place. No campaigning by them this time, so NDP #1 and CPC #3. My guess is that Atlantic Canada will go CPC and Liberal, as those are very tradition-based voting patterns. Multi-gen. traditions #prediction 20 hours ago
	ChrisDca Chris D.–RT by IanAMartin Interesting. Americans on Twitter encouraging Canadians to e-mail them early election results and they’ll tweet them. #tweettheresults 22 hours ago
	CBCVancouver CBC Vancouver–RT by IanAMartin CBC takes a light look at #elxn41 with @CBCDragon kicking things off. @kevinolearytv says he wouldn’t want to be PM as it doesn’t pay enough. 20 hours ago
	#elxn41bc I wonder if the CPC candidate for Bby-Douglas ever knocked on a door? *I* never saw him. ~ Polls close in 26 minutes people. VOTE YOUR ASS OFF (presuming you haven’t yet). ~ Evan Soloman looks so spiffy in his suit and his gigantic iPad. He keeps making smileys on it too. 20 hours ago
	#elxn41bc Hey, Harper! You shouldn’t “be in Ottawa dealing with the economy”, you should be dealing with the Contempt Charges! 21 hours ago
	#elxn41bc The real question about @cbcnewsbc TV coverage: will @petermansbridge get to sit down? ~ Hey! @petermansbridge is following 42 people now! ~ AHA! @petermansbridge is standing! 21 hours ago
	#elxn41bc A Conservative majority results in nation-wide celibacy. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement 21 hours ago
	Currently watching Gloria and New Guy chat… oh, now we’re in commercial. BC feed not picked up on radio yet, polls close in 40 #elxn41bc 21 hours ago
	raincoaster raincoaster–RT by IanAMartin @IanAMartin Personally, I’m thinking watching the election on the big screen at a casino might be a good metaphor #Vancouver #lazyweb 21 hours ago
	CBCStephenQuinn Stephen Quinn–RT by IanAMartin Going Live with our local coverage in 12 minutes on CBC Radio One. Tag your local tweets #elxn41bc and we’ll pull them in to Cover it Live. 21 hours ago
	Currently in basement, on netbook, @cbcradio on, @cbcnewsbc muted on TV… all is ready. #elxn41bc 21 hours ago

Yesterday, being the day before the federal election, I ‘rehearsed’ in my twitter stream, just so as to be ready for later today. Below is the result. Note that the most final, or “most recent one”, is at the top, so you should read them in order from the bottom up to maintain chronological order. Also, that way the punch line will follow the set-up. Always better.

	…right. Rehearsal complete. Tune in to see those gaps filled in with actual names and quotes. The fun starts at 7:00pm Pac. #elxn41bc 23 hours ago
	Does anyone know where I can get a TV repaired inexpensively? #elxn41bc 23 hours ago
	If [party leader] says [frequent talking point phrase] once more I’m going to throw something at the TV! #elxn41bc 23 hours ago
	@AnthonyFloyd This is why the rehearsal is good. Locating both correct spelling and smart location prior to need. #elxn41bc 23 hours ago
	OMG! I can’t believe [name of candidate] got re-elected! After they said [daft public statement] only last week? #elxn41bc 23 hours ago
	If those numbers from the east for #elxn41bc don’t get neutralized by BC soon, I’m going to set some houses on fire! 23 hours ago
	Iff’n something doesn’t come in soon for [riding not yet reporting returns] I’ma gonna kill someone! #elxn41bc 23 hours ago
	AUUGHGHGGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGGHGHGHGH! #elxn41bc is going to be the worst moment in the history of the Dominion! I’m moving to New Zeland! 23 hours ago
	HOLY CRAP! I don’t believe the returns in [riding name] for [candidate/party affiliation]!!! It’s like [year it happened] again! #elxn41bc 23 hours ago
	[then realizes he forgot #elxn41bc in the last tweet, swears quietly, notes he’ll have to be careful about that in 24 hours] 23 hours ago
	[twitches a bit, flexes arms, stretches back and shoulders, wiggles fingers, rolls head around on neck] 23 hours ago
	Okay, earlier today @petermansbridge and @CBCStephenQuinn were rehearsing for #elxn41bc tomorrow, so it’s time for me to do the same. [ahem]

The Dextr application which makes your Twitter feed into a screen-filling, one-tweet-per-screen image that you can run on a secondary screen or laptop.