Sherlock Holmes (2009)

So, that said, how did Mr. Ritchie do? Brilliantly, in my view.

The essence of the character is that of highly intellectual eccentric with a fountain of knowledge crammed into his brain and available at a moment’s notice. Coupled with that is his constant need for intellectual stimulation which can only be calmed briefly by the world, thus necessitating the injection of opium, consumption of alcohol, or non-stop experimentation with both. After that, yes, there are a bunch of things that need to be observed, but that’s the basic un-changeable nature of the thing.

Given the above character specifics, it’s hardly surprising that Robert Downie Jr. is the man in the role of the detective. While one shouldn’t say “he was born to play this”, as it sounds a bit too messianic for one thing, it still seems presumptuous to suggest that the reason for his chemical self-abuse in the 1990s was so that he would be a perfect actor in this series. None the less, it works.

There were a few reviewers who suggested that Holmes and Watson had more than tinge of “bromance” or possibly even homo-erotic tone to their friendship. Where this comes from may be a tetchiness about their verbal sparring, plus the certain jealousy when two flat-mates are separated due to one of them getting married. There is nothing more there, and its most probable piece of evidence pointed to by some would be that we see them initially arguing over the possession of an article of clothing; something which ‘Gay men argue about all the time’, which is ridiculous. the two men simple love each other, as any two close friends do, and not with a love “who dare not speak its name” as the parlance of their time phrased it. I wouldn’t have a problem with the two characters actually being lovers, but there’s insufficient evidence to get on one’s high horse about the possibility here, and that house isn’t about to get more disturbed than merely shifting around on its hooves a bit.

The fight scenes using a combination of ‘Baritsu’ and ‘Wing-Chun Kung Fu’ (but mostly the latter) are excellent, and aptly add to the story with both action and plot development. The nature of the villains and heroes are demonstrated and broadened, yet mostly the scenes add the thrill of the event more than anything. A huge chunk of the fight in “the Punchbowl Pit” probably could have gone without any perceptible loss, but that’s something that’s subjective; others would want more of it.

The ‘look’ of the thing is excellent, with the digital creation of Victorian-era London being nigh-on flawless. The one place where it does seem a tad fiddly is with the complexity of Tower Bridge’s creation: it’s almost too intricate and on our screen had some artifacts around its outline, making it stand out with a “hey look at how cleaver we are!” nature as a result. Given the up-scaling from a DVD image to an HD monitor, it was probably better in the theatres and could very well look fine on someone else’s screen. It bothered me, however.

What really could have been fixed–and wasn’t a result of various technical aspects–was the singular lack of colour in the image. The poster above is a good indication of the over-all palate of the presentation: cold, quite blue, and drab. Granted, London in the late 1800s was a damned filthy place, with much of the city covered in inches of coal dust, thus hardly somewhere you go to for the excitement of a riot of colours. Still, it’s a fairly prevalent trend in cinema these days, so the lack of saturation and colour range over-all is something I’m growing weary of.

Of additional concern is the sheer number of production companies involved in making what might have been a fairly simple film. Six production companies involved in initial creation is insane. Certainly the amount of digital effects–city skylines, ship’s hulls, bridges and so on–was necessary due to the star of the story being the location and time of the tale. It’s impossible to do something from the Sherlock Holmes ‘canon’ without showing as much of the city and its own character as is possible, based on technology available at the time. Still, couldn’t there be a way of doing all that which didn’t demand so much money and so much financial risk that the thing has to be an insanely huge block-buster in order to begin to cover its own costs?

Sherlock Holmes (2009)
a Warner Bros. Pictures presentation
in association with Village Roadshow Pictures
a Silver Pictures production
a Wigram production in association with
Internationale Filmproduktion Blackbird Dritte GmbH & Co.
and Lin Pictures (uncredited)

Directed by
Guy Ritchie

Writing credits
screenplay by Michael Robert Johnson and Anthony Peckham and Simon Kinberg
with screen story by Lionel Wigram and Michael Robert Johnson
using the characters “Sherlock Holmes” and “Dr. Watson” created by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

This year, I’ve been watching DVDs from the library for a number of reasons, mostly to do with a combination of “filling in the gaps in my ‘pop culture’ knowledge”, as well as a concerted effort to better understand story editing by both watching a film and then re-watching listening to people who have studied that particular movie for years in order to better appreciate the themes, plot construction, symbolism, and so on.

The process would be nothing without the secondary audio tracks. Sometimes it’s like having actually been through the film-making process with the people involved.

Star Wars: Episode 1, The Phantom Menace (1999)

Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999)

The starting 20 minutes of this is so dense in its provision of information and background, coupled with explosions and action, that it could easily be provided in a movie of its own. I had to re-start the film in order to catch material not understood (although I was stuffing envelopes at the time).

The characters could have used more humanity, and the creatures could have used it as well. There’s so much on display for the sake of “lookey and see what we can do digitally!”

A fair start, with promise.

Star Wars: Episode 2, Attack of the Clones (2002)

Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002)

The whole “I’ve gotta find my mother” sequence is a direct lift from John Ford’s The Searchers, including (but probably not limited to) an exact duplication of the shot where the young hero drops off a flat rock to the valley floor below. By “exact”, I mean just that: the identical rock and valley are used, he’s the head-strong male seeking a relative, the kidnappers are encamped in tents and are described as “animals”, the relative dies, and the young male goes on a killing spree. This might be called “honouring the earlier work”, but it’s too much of a lift from the western for that really.

In the last film, Natalie Portman was the one who was the weakest actor, now it’s Hayden Christiansen who sucks. So very tiring.

Again, we have oodles of plot points and story detail with equal amounts of action; all of which leaves you tired. “Something for everyone” does make for a bit of a muddle for all.

The all-digital film making is on show at a few places quite badly: when Aniken zooms off to the horizon on his bike to locate the Tuskan Raiders’ camp, he remains sharp no matter how far he is from us, when he would become fuzzy from the dust in the air and the heat from the ground; when zooming around in an asteroid field after Jango Fett and his son Boba, Qi-Jon (or however it’s spelled) narrowly misses perfectly detailed rocks right in front of us that are matched in perfection to the ones far away. This all sounds needlessly picky, but no matter what your photo experience, something at least subconsciously ‘feels wrong’. Bah!

Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (2005)

Until this viewing, I had never seen this instalment

Aniken can act now, and thankfully there’s no ‘newbie’ in the cast this time. Thank God.

In a frantic effort to shove the final threads into place so as to dove-tail perfectly with “A New Hope”, Lucas crams everything into the 145-minute experience filling every nook and cranny with explosions, colour, story points, dialogue, display panels, and anything else he can lay his hands on. Michael Bay would look on it as being a rough edit which required more post-production work, probably, but the need for all this wasn’t something for which the undertaking was altogether wise.

Surely the audience doesn’t need everything explained or perfectly linked on to the second trilogy? Is there no mystery permitted in life any more?

Yes, the creation of Darth Vader in both spiritual and physically recognizable form is accomplished — and should be, probably — but do we need to have another homage to John Ford with a brilliant sunset behind a silhouetted rancher family as an end-shot? Do we need to see our now-separated twins with their loving protectors? Did we even need to see the twins named at birth? Surely we knew who they were when Padmi was pregnant! If we follow the line of the story logically, we find out who Luke and Leia are in the later episodes! Behold! A spoiler created to spoil the spoilers we might have had!

While this may be the best of the three prequals, if the first two episodes had been stretched over three instalments and this one was not used at all, more character and story development might have been accomplished without the WHAM!! BAMM! getting in the way so much.

Pfah.

This year, I’ve been watching DVDs from the library for a number of reasons, mostly to do with a combination of “filling in the gaps in my ‘pop culture’ knowledge”, as well as a concerted effort to better understand story editing by both watching a film and then re-watching listening to people who have studied that particular movie for years in order to better appreciate the themes, plot construction, symbolism, and so on.

The process would be nothing without the secondary audio tracks. Sometimes it’s like having actually been through the film-making process with the people involved.

Sadly, in my opinion, Harper has been handed a blank cheque to do whatever he wants, with no punishment in the offing. The national voters seem to have said “whatever it takes” in order to get whatever it is that is their individual priority. This makes me sad.

As with the previous post, what follows is a copy of my stream as I “live tweeted” the returns (which is hardly a verb, but I haz not a shit to carez for dat as the LOL-kidz say. This will again be in reverse chronology, so head to the bottom to work your way from start to finish.

	oytamarind Brad K — RT by IanAMartin What part of “CONTEMPT OF PARLIAMENT” do you guileless sheep not understand?! #elxn41 24 minutes ago
	@thedarkerside We’ll all be safe once everyone is in jail! …oh, wait… #elxn41bc 15 minutes ago
	#elxn41bc Bby Douglas is going to be a very close one again. NDP 43% to CPC 39%. I smell re-count. 17 minutes ago
	JonJennings Jon Jennings — RT by IanAMartin If one good thing comes out of this, it’ll be me finally applying for my citizenship so I can vote against these liars & criminals next time
	#elxn41bc Canada has handed Harper a blank cheque. What in blazes are we going to do until someone locks him in jail? 20 minutes ago
	@Astrogirl426 The PM + his Gov’t was charged with “contempt” (and that was a new charge to my ears) and out-right lied during campaign. Sad. 22 minutes ago
	@Astrogirl426 About to begin second glass of wine. #elxn41bc 25 minutes ago
	#elxn41bc Here’s a question: does this mean a resurgence of the Proportional Representation, I wonder? 25 minutes ago
	reneestephen Renée Stephe–RT by IanAMartin They used to say that Canada trails the US by about 10 years in terms of trends. We’re right on track, I guess. 26 minutes ago
	pqpolitics Pete Quily–RT by IanAMartin “I will serve as long as the party wants me to serve and not a day longer” Iggy Not long I’d suggest #elxn41 #lpc 27 minutes ago
	@Astrogirl426 Holy crap, it’s like 1980 when Reagan cleaned-up in California and re-drew everything conservative. #elxn41bc 28 minutes ago
	#elxn41bc Wow the CBC Translator’s microphone really needs to be grounded. Terrible buzz! 29 minutes ago
	@harrietglynn Don’t forget that the CPC is the Reform with new name, it’s NOT the old Tories. @smuttysteff @anthonyfloyd #elxn41bc 30 minutes ago
	PhoeLam Phoenix Lam–RT by IanAMartin In other news…my cat just ran into the door. LOL 31 minutes ago
	@smuttysteff @anthonyfloyd Well, it’s certainly the end of the [Liberal] party that we have known over the years. 33 minutes ago
	#elxn41bc Burnaby South/New West looks like NDP again. It moves around a bit historically. 34 minutes ago
	@AnthonyFloyd There’s some coughing [in the Liberal crowd] a second ago. I think they’re all incredibly stunned. #elxn41bc 35 minutes ago
	#elxn41bc Libby Davies ahead by over 2:1 and solid enough to call that one. 36 minutes ago
	#elxn41bc Liberals down 44 seats. It’s almost as bad as Kim Campbell taking Mulrony’s drubbing for him. 37 minutes ago
	#elxn41bc How odd that the crowd in front of Ignatieff isn’t doing traditional vocal denial of results when he congratulates Harper/Leighton. Well, okay, not odd; telling. 37 minutes ago
	@harrietglynn @smuttysteff Ken Dryden is behind substantially. I’ve said it before: there is no safe seat this year. 39 minutes ago
	CBCStephenQuinn Stephen Quinn–RT by IanAMartin Duceppe defeated. elxn41bc 41 minutes ago
	@Zoeyjane “Even the Bruins won”…? What riding were they in? I was… oh. sorry. #elxn41bc 40 minutes ago
	#elxn41bc Van South 1300 to 1100 (CPC to Liberal) 41 minutes ago
	ounodesign ouno–RT by IanAMartin RT @AndyJukes: Don’t call them Tories. The Tory party is long gone. These people are right-wing lunatics, plain and simple. #elxn41 42 minutes ago
	@AnthonyFloyd Pardon? Oh, I suppose that [Elisabeth May is] independent/other until [the Greens] have official status. [Vancouver East MP Libby Davies] got 550 to 235 last I saw. …so that’s something. #elxn41bc 44 minutes ago
	#elxn41bc BBY-Douglas is now NDP 46% to Cons 39%. And it just went there from a wider margin. Eeep! ~ Elizabeth May 566, next one is 543. 45 minutes ago
	CBCVancouver CBC Vancouver–RT by IanAMartin Type in your postal code and get results for your riding http://bit.ly/elnK8g #elxn41 50 minutes ago
	CBCStephenQuinn Stephen Quinn–RT by IanAMartin Popular Vote so Far: CPC 40 NDP 31 Lib 20 BQ 5 Green 3.5 #elxn41bc National Numbers 50 minutes ago
	#elxn41bc @harrietglynn Totally. [The Liberal’s drubbing is] a bullet [Ignatieff] will not dodge. Paul Martin bowed out after a far better position. 1 hour ago
	#elxn41bc @cbcnewsbc says independent/other in one riding. Please tell me this is Helena Georgis (badly spelled: turfed by Harper for rumours) 1 hour ago
	#elxn41bc Hating m keyboard layout. Hating! 1 hour ago
	vancouver East.#elxn41bc Libbie Davies ahead 2:1 in  ~~ 1 hour ago
	#elxn41bc Elisabeth May is in very slim lead by 39 votes. @Herne Ignatieff STILL behind by nearly 1,000 votes. ~ Bob Rae is very tight in the lead. ~ 1 hour ago
	EmmeRogers Emme Rogers–RT by IanAMartin What happened with the University Vote Mobs? Please don’t tell me they voted Conservative or neglected to actually vote? 1 hour ago
	#elxn41bc Chilliwack-Fraser Canyon sees Strahl’s son in with a 2:1 rate. Surprising, given his lack of experience. Vancouver-East: Con high 300, Liberal mid-200. The BQ and Liberals are both down the same amount of popular vote. Ken Dryden is out! KEN DRYDEN!!!! Un-be-liev-a-ble. 1 hour ago
	#elxn41bc @cbcnewsbc now caling Conservative Majority. I am getting wine now. BBY-Doug NDP ahead by 66%. Conservatives 2nd place, AND THEY DID NOTHING FOR THAT! 1 hour ago
	#elxn41bc Vancouver south: CPC 120, to Lib 90-odd. Sorry, @julesjulesjules ~ Vancouver East 216 to 135 (NDP vs. Cons) 1 hour ago
	smuttysteff Steffani Cameron–RT by IanAMartin 1 hour ago Anyone who didn’t vote today, they ever fucking whine to me about this country, NOT slapping them might be impossible.
	Herne Herne–RT by IanAMartin Gilles Duceppe is out! Ignatieff is still down by 1,000 votes! #cdnpoli #elxn41
	#elxn41bc There are no safe seats tonight. People have abandoned the Liberals and gone NDP? How ARE the Cons getting this support? 2 hours ago
	@jpadamson Usually, yes, but [Libby Davies’] lead right now is still very slim. Everything in Canada is up for change from the norm it seems. #elxn41bc 2 hours ago
	#elxn41bc Bby-Douglas 205 NDP, CPC 104. Again, close. ~ Vancouver East is 150 to 120 for NDP, but still too early. ~ Kooteney is CPC 2:1, Okanagan is CPC 7:3, New West-Coquitlam very very close. 2 hours ago
	#elxn41bc Vancouver East might not go NDP, but all numbers below 100 ~ Rishmond: CPC 4:1 [I swear I hadn’t even opened wine at this point] ~ Okanagan Shuswap: CPC 2:1 ~ Delta-Richmond CPC 3:1 ~ Bby-Douglas looks like NDP so far. ~ 2 hours ago
	@julesjulesjules so very saddening. #elxn41bc #whereIsThatWine ~ South Surry: CPC by 3:1 ~ Cariboo: CPC by 3:1 ~ Too Close to call: Vcvr-Quadra, Vcvr-Kingsway. Both look NDP-leaning 2 hours ago
	CBCVancouver CBC Vancouver–RT by IanAMartin Current results: CON 153 NDP 106 LIB 31 BQ 4 #elxn41 2 hours ago
	@inkcanada Even URBAN Ontario has gone blue. What country is this? Has John A come back? #elxn41bc 2 hours ago
	inkcanada Karen Walton–RT by IanAMartin Ontario, I never knew ye. You have swallowed the Kool-Aid and yet hate on pre-change US? Really, rural ON. wow. 2 hours ago
	@Watcher58 That’s what I thought. It’s like Reagan cleaning-up in California. By today’s standards, Reagan would make a good Liberal leader. #elxn41bc 2 hours ago
	#elxn41bc Richmond is CPC (Wong) by 151 to 36 for liberals ~ Kootenay is CPC (Wilkes) by 2:1 ~ If there’s oodles of conservative support, why am I living here still? #whereIsThatWine 2 hours ago
	#elxn41bc According to CBC prediction: Conservatives 153 seats. One more and they’ll have a true majority. Oops! 151 seats now. 2 hours ago
	#elxn41bc Duceppe behind by 1/3 in his riding. Harper’s ahead by 500% in his riding. Ignatieff behind by 10% in his. 2 hours ago
	CBCStephenQuinn Stephen Quinn–RT by IanAMartin Wait… BC could decide on whether it’s a CPC majority. Don’t turn it off yet! #elxn41bc 20 hours ago
	#elxn41bc Ontario is rejecting the Liberals in droves. I’ve never seen that. I wonder when it last was this way. Duceppe and Ignatieff are both trailing in 2nd place in their ridings. The whole Canadian Political map is being redrawn. The clear message voters are giving is “Harper can do ANYTHING he wants.” So very sad. 20 hours ago
	@TheresaLalonde #elxn41bc I suspect that Justin [Trudeau] might actually refuse to run for leader [of the Canadian Liberal Party]. He’s already seen what that demands. 20 hours ago
	#elxn41bc CBC predicts NDP as er Majesty’s Loyal Opposition. I can live with that. ~ …okay. Conservatives 138, NDP 87, Lib 29, BQ 6. Time for wine, I think. ~ What with the results we have now, the desire to start a pool about when @petermansbridge sits down calls to me. 20 hours ago
	smuttysteff Steffani Cameron–RT by IanAMartin Don’t know why I’m even planning to watch the election results. I wonder if there’s a hole I can go stick my head in somewhere. 20 hours ago
	#elxn41bc Volpe is at HALF the CPC candiate’s numbers. What the hell happened? I didn’t think the Conservatives had a chance! I know long-term Tories who refused to vote for the Harper-led party. Ajax/Pickering: CPC ahead by 25%. Ignatieff is ahead by one. ONE vote! Incredible. Totally insane. 20 hours ago
	#elxn41bc Things are early still, but CBC TV saying 132 Con, 70 NDP, Lib 29, Bloc 5. Missed the radio numbers. Volpe is out, PC replaced him in Eglington. Surprising. So is Soloman waving his arms around. Not normal for him. 20 hours ago
	CBCAlerts CBC News Alerts–RT by IanAMartin Cabinet ministers Peter MacKay, Gail Shea re-elected . Defence minister wins in NS, fisheries minister wins in PEI. 20 hours ago
	#elxn41bc CBC reporting 62 NDP seats, Liberals 27, Bloc 5. Liberals looking worst in its history. CBC projecting CPC government with 131 seats (150 for majority). #whereIsThatWine 20 hours ago
	smuttysteff Steffani Cameron–RT by IanAMartin Global is apparently CALLING the election nationally without even having had polls close on the west? If so, fuck off, Global. Asshats. 20 hours ago
	#elxn41bc I still say the easiest process for voting is a pencil and a bit of paper. #HangingChads 20 hours ago
	#elxn41bc Damned fingers are cold, plus a bandage on one of them, and this netbook has an 80% keyboard. #NotDrinkingYet #Really #Seriously 20 hours ago
	CBCStephenQuinn Stephen Quinn–RT by IanAMartin 8 minutes Until we are able to report results. Man. Long eight minutes. 20 hours ago
	#elxn41bc I’m guessing that Vancouver-South will be Dosanj due to Leung’s civil case and Malik’s approval. …okay, HOPING that happens. 20 hours ago
	CBCVancouver CBC Vancouver–RT by IanAMartin 11 minutes left before results @petermansbridge continues to introduce the Canada Votes panel #elxn41 20 hours ago
	#elxn41bc Hearing @CBCStephenQuinn discussing Social Media #tweettheresults points. AM 690 / FM 88.1 20 hours ago
	gaybachelorblog Gay Bachelor Blog–RT by IanAMartin #tweettheresults The blueberries are at 25, the strawberries at 21, oranges at 15  20 hours ago
	Jessica Adamson @jpadamson–RT by IanAMartin UBC students are getting turned away from the polls? Does anyone have confirmation. #elxn41bc 20 hours ago
	Herne Herne–RT by IanAMartin Canada : Stephen Harper breaks election rules, campaigns on radio on election day http://herne.me/isuIAa #cdnpoli #elxn41 20 hours ago
	#elxn41bc Narduar on TV right now with Ignatief. Thank goodness the signal’s muted. ~ Burnaby-Douglas was NDP last time by 700 votes, CPC 2nd place. No campaigning by them this time, so NDP #1 and CPC #3. My guess is that Atlantic Canada will go CPC and Liberal, as those are very tradition-based voting patterns. Multi-gen. traditions #prediction 20 hours ago
	ChrisDca Chris D.–RT by IanAMartin Interesting. Americans on Twitter encouraging Canadians to e-mail them early election results and they’ll tweet them. #tweettheresults 22 hours ago
	CBCVancouver CBC Vancouver–RT by IanAMartin CBC takes a light look at #elxn41 with @CBCDragon kicking things off. @kevinolearytv says he wouldn’t want to be PM as it doesn’t pay enough. 20 hours ago
	#elxn41bc I wonder if the CPC candidate for Bby-Douglas ever knocked on a door? *I* never saw him. ~ Polls close in 26 minutes people. VOTE YOUR ASS OFF (presuming you haven’t yet). ~ Evan Soloman looks so spiffy in his suit and his gigantic iPad. He keeps making smileys on it too.  20 hours ago
	#elxn41bc Hey, Harper! You shouldn’t “be in Ottawa dealing with the economy”, you should be dealing with the Contempt Charges! 21 hours ago
	#elxn41bc The real question about @cbcnewsbc TV coverage: will @petermansbridge get to sit down? ~ Hey! @petermansbridge is following 42 people now! ~ AHA! @petermansbridge is standing! 21 hours ago
	#elxn41bc A Conservative majority results in nation-wide celibacy. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement 21 hours ago
	Currently watching Gloria and New Guy chat… oh, now we’re in commercial. BC feed not picked up on radio yet, polls close in 40 #elxn41bc 21 hours ago
	raincoaster raincoaster–RT by IanAMartin @IanAMartin Personally, I’m thinking watching the election on the big screen at a casino might be a good metaphor #Vancouver #lazyweb 21 hours ago
	CBCStephenQuinn Stephen Quinn–RT by IanAMartin Going Live with our local coverage in 12 minutes on CBC Radio One. Tag your local tweets #elxn41bc and we’ll pull them in to Cover it Live. 21 hours ago
	Currently in basement, on netbook, @cbcradio on, @cbcnewsbc muted on TV… all is ready. #elxn41bc 21 hours ago

BC Premier Resigns!!

This resulted, barely over two months later, in the headline on the left: “Premier’s resignation ‘emotional’ for Liberals”. It was also emotional for non–Liberals, but an entirely different and diametrically opposed one, I assure you.

Clearly I have more power than even Stephen Colbert does, and am able to topple reigning governments.

Thus, I now call the attention of the Right Honourable Stephen Harper, QC PC; Prime Minster of Her Majesty’s Dominion of Canada; leader of the Conservative Party of Canada; and Member of Parliament for Calgary Southwest, that he is being called out for being ‘a big poopie head’! He may choose to ignore this, but he is urged to hie his thoughts to the fate of the previous leader to be like engaged on this blog.

I vaguely recall people suggesting that President Clinton ought was to be impeached for merely lying about getting a blow-job in the Oval Office, yet this nit-wit gets to blame the other parties for anything that pops into his head. Why, when refusing to provide simple financial information about budgetary estimates, even after being ordered to do so by a Parliamentary Committee, does he get to ignore the fact and say in the House of Commons that “the Opposition is refusing to negotiate about this budget” and not get bounced on his pointy head on the way into a holding cell?

Stephen Harper, Canadian Prime Minister, at Jan. 2010 World Economic Forum (photo, Remy Steinegger)

Plus, for a Conservative Party Leader, Mr. Harper does a terribly poor job of respecting traditions, I might add.

No matter what your political stripe, and despite your view of the policies of ‘the Harper Government’ (as he’s now decreed the ‘Government of Canada’ is to be referred),  you’ll probably agree that a guy who doesn’t follow the rules of his own parliamentary system really ought to give his head a shake.

My principle concern is the seeming ease that Mr. Harper has with ignoring the truth, ignoring the need to rule in an open manner, and to follow the law of the Her Majesty’s House of Parliament.

When Mr. Harper says that a coalition isn’t an acceptable way to form a government–after attempting to form one in 2004, plus the fact that it’s perfectly fine according to the British Parliamentary system–he’s lying.

When he says he was defeated because of the budget–when the motion of non-confidence specifically referenced not just one, but the first two findings of ‘Contempt of Parliament’ for a PM in the history of the Commonwealth–he’s lying.

When he says that average Canadians don’t care about “political manœuvrings”–when, I would like to point out, this ‘average Canadian’ does care about the wording of motions made in the House of Parliament and would damned well like him to start caring about it them as well–he’s lying.

His then standing around and saying “those guys, those other political guys over there, shouldn’t get any help trying to stop my run-away train in its head-long rush to an American-style bicameral governmental structure” just pisses me right off. Here’s something the talented actor Peter New posted on Facebook a few days ago, with his comments coming first, then the newspaper article he’s reacting to just after that.

OK, so what he means here is, “my party can pay our election costs either way due to the support we get from wealthy donators, and if we scrap this subsidy we can win more elections because the other guys are all supported by poor people.” Or am I misreading it?

Tired of constant campaigns, Harper says he’ll scrap per-vote subsidy (“Globe and Mail”)–Last attempt to eliminate public stipend for political parties triggered coalition attempt to topple Tories in 2008

No, Mr. New, you are spot-on with your assessment. What in blazes does Mr. Harper think he can get away with here? Basically he’s saying “Well, we’re in power now so what you, the electorate, have to do is re-elect us with a proper majority. This way, we can ensure that those other parties will never be able to stage a meaningful campaign ever again, and I can have the ‘PM for Life’ title that God created me for.”

Lest you think that he’s not already of a mind that he’s in a position of superiority, remember that this is the guy who decided that the name of the country wasn’t as important in the Government’s identity as his own name; is of the opinion that ‘marriage’ is something only acceptable between people of opposing genders, despite the fact that ‘love’ seems to be in short supply around the World; decided last year that it was somehow wrong to make the census ‘long form’ mandatory and preserve the usefulness of the data and the money spent to gather it; and declared that there was no actual need to examine any options for new fighter-jets, beyond the asking “which one did the USA opt for?”, thus giving the country a cost currently estimated* at over $264 million for each of the 64 aircraft!

I’m fed-up with the whole lot of political leaders in the country, by the way, but will admit to being most fed-up with Harper; both as a politician as well as a man.

I yearn for those days when the leaders still directly engaged with one another. You know, the “You had an option, sir!” era? Back when we actually had leaders! You know, like Pierre Elliot Trudeau, John Diefenbaker, and even Joe Clark: people who, even if you didn’t agree with their thinking, clearly were making a decision that was based on something other than their own Sisyphean, hubris-stuffed whims.

An illuminating essay by Murray Dobbin about the retrenchment of Canada’s unique governing codes in favour of American ones can be READ AND/OR DOWNLOADED HERE. I admit I’ve not read a word of it, but seeing as the above screed of my own had resulted in me needing a lie-down, the essay of Mr. Dobbin’s would most likely require me to have a coronary by-pass.

Again I will point out to Mr. Harper that the last time I stood up for what I believe in, the result was a party leadership campaign.

ADDED LATER: Again, thanks to Mr. New for pointing out this development: it now seems that Mr. Harper cares not for even the semblance of accountability, as the media invited to a ‘photo op’ are limited to that activity only, and that any questions of any nature are no longer welcomed.

And now, here’s Stephen Colbert’s version of the fall of the government. Because by this point we all need a laugh.

* We would know exactly what it will be, but that’s one of the things not being provided to the House of Commons [RETURN]

Oh yes, and it’s no longer ‘Tandy” which is their in-house brand-name any more, it’s “nexXtek”. Yes, with two x-es. No, I’ve not a clue why, nor how to pronounce that. Stop asking these difficult questions, would you?

I was already off to a bad start on this errand, as I was seeking two items whose names meant very little to me. Given I was wandering into the store which provided me with a Christmas gift one year of the 200-in-1 Electronic Kit (make a real radio that works; all by yourself!), it would be logical to think that this place would provide just about anything that I could not only imagine needing, but everything inside would be old hat to me and my technology geek-out tendencies.

However, a “Terminal Strip” (needed to make this antenna) and a SATA to SATA Data Supply Cable with 4-pin Molex to 15-pin Power Adapter (the new version of a Parallel ATA cable which connects a Hard-Drive to a mother-board as well as supplying power to the drive), were not only things I had to write down in order to remember their names, I ended-up reading the damned piece of paper to the youth in the store because I couldn’t remember a word of them; they were that much of a mystery to me. The fact I wanted to ask the employee if his mother knew he was out this late in the evening (6:30) probably provides a further image of how much out of my league I was already.

We find the two items I desire. Attempting to recall the third thing I wanted to at least check a price on–and forgetting once more that Jennifer needs a case fan for her computer, because it sounds much like a Morris Minor that’s badly in need of a complete lube-job, muffler repair, and new timing belt, starting up on a February morning–the sale is rung up at the till.

Because this is Radio Shack The Source, the originator of the ‘up-sell’ and ‘impulse buy inducement, I was asked if I wanted to take advantage of a wonderful deal for AAA batteries? No; although I allowed as how it was a good deal, though.

Was I interested in a one-year, full-replacement warranty for my SATA to SATA Data Supply Cable with 4-pin Molex to 15-pin Power Adapter? For the briefest of moments I wondered who in heavens name would bother spending an extra dollar in case a $10.49 cable failed in the next year?, then simply said “No, thanks.”

Would I like an iPhone 4 with that?

At which point my brain came to the same sort of sudden stop as when a man’s neck-tie gets caught in a desk fan, and with rather the same incomprehensible panic: what just happened and what do I do now?

The iPhone4! Impulse buy one TODAY!

I decided the best course of action was to replay the sound in my head, just in case I entirely misunderstood; surely he couldn’t have said that?

Would you like an iPhone 4 with that?

Why, yes! Yes he did! He did just offer to sell me a brand-new, top-of-the-line, slim & sexy, latest fad-crazed mobile telephonic communication device in the same way as if it was entirely possible that one would also want a side of french fries or a larger soft drink to accompany my meal.

I have nothing against the iPhone. I think it’s an amazing piece of design and engineering. That said, would one decide to select one with such a devil-may-care approach to its selection that one would jump on the opportunity whilst purchasing anything so astonishingly minor as a cable and a block of plastic that helps you to connect two bits of wire? Perhaps I have finally reached that state of time when one is considered “old” and “un-hip”! A mobile phone is not something I’d think “sure, why not! I hadn’t been thinking about that until you mentioned it, but… what the hell?! Slap one of those bad-boys on there, son!” Surely one would take more time as a careful consumer when even considering making such a purchase? The number of competing billing plans alone are enough to confuse a fully-trained Quantity Surveyor!

So… let’s see… We have a deal on batteries; check. Extended warranty plan; check. Paper or plastic; check. Debit or Credit; check. Make your meal a ‘biggie size’; check. Would you like to add a high-tech communication device with incredibly complicated billing system which may very well tie you into emptying your bank account every month for the next three years; check, apparently.

Dashing from the store into the mall, I pass a little cart with sign identifying it as something like “The USB Station”. Other than “things”, I’ve not a clue what they were selling. No idea at all. they looked like light-switch plates, or possibly audio cassette tape cases. Or maybe they were plaque-like Christmas ornaments? I couldn’t tell. From the sign, one might have supposed them to be employing USB-technology, but for what purpose I couldn’t discern. they might ahve been flash-drives, or hand warmers, or some sort of internally lit ornaments doubling as Wankel Rotary Engines for all I could tell.

I panic. I’ve just left a store which once filled my technology-craving heart with joy and is now filled with things I cannot understand the use of, and which is attempting to have me purchase things on an impulse which I consider the acquisition of as being as serious as buying a car. I have just passed a cart selling things using a technology I fully comprehend, yet of which cannot identify the end-use. The walls begin closing in; the grey hair begins leaping through my scalp; my spine begins to bend; my breath to make that wheezing sound… I must leave as quickly as possible before I am found sitting on a bench making the “yyyuuuup yup yup.…” sound of the ancient.

I see no exit, but locate a map of the labyrinth. After a good 45 seconds the “You Are Here” circle is located, and the nearest egress is identified. In order to get my bearings, I stand with my back to the sign, glancing over my shoulder at its map, waving my hands in front of me as I visualize the route which leads to freedom. Doing this makes me look like a raving mad-man.

I do not care. The place is filled to the rafters with tiny youths, wandering aimlessly, staring at the ground about seven feet ahead of them, yatting into their iPhones. Clearly they’ve already visited The Source.

While not in the habit of quoting US Presidents, especially the late Pres. Johnson, one can’t help but recall the grammatically unique statement “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” Merely because an area has been referred to using the same name for a century or more doesn’t qualify it immediately for a newly christened label purely to ‘refresh its marketability’. “Rome” seems to do well, as does “Paris” and even “Swansea”. Granted, “New Amsterdam” and “Constantinople” got a new lick of paint at one point, but given that “New York City” was more in keeping with its then-recent influx of English-born settlers, this made sense*. Bloomsbury, Holborn, and St Giles, however, all work perfectly well, and aid in locating where the tube station will deposit one on the street; on some of the A-Z maps it’s actually easier to find a district by seeking the tube station named for it.

Frankly, how anyone can find it difficult to learn the District Names is beyond me. I’ve only visited London (or ‘Londinium’, for those of you born of the Roman occupation era… no names here) two times, and both of about a week’s length with over 18 months betwixt them. In that time I’ve not only learned how to navigate my way through a fair chunk of the central areas, I even learned their names; and in some cases the derivation thereof, which went a fair way to aid in the matter.

I’ve nothing against change; far from it. However if it’s change purely for the sake of, or to assist in selling the same old wine in the same old skin with a brand-new name… well, one wonders just how good the seller thinks the wine is. If it’s all that great, then why was the name change needed? If a dog food company is erroneously thought to be using horse-meat in its product, then they eventually (and quietly) change their name to disassociate themselves from the scandal. In this case, I can’t think of a sexier place to live than Bloomsbury, with its literary heritage and air of artisan-driven business success. Granted, some might consider the fact that all of the Bloomsbury Group was sleeping with just about everyone else in the Bloomsbury Group might be a bit of a down-side to the image, but played right it could be quite the asset in this brave new world of ours. “Romance! Intrigue! Passion! All these can be yours, plus a new Post Code! (10% of purchase as deposit required)”.

It all seems so un-necessary, really. One wonders if the local Councils just need some bucking-up and reassurance that “we love you, really!” and be encouraged to “be proud of who you are!”

BAH! Ridiculous. All those who are opposed to my thoughts are encouraged to bring forth brandy for mne to drink whilst you explain your reasons for doing so.

* Why “Istanbul” was seen as being required for the “Welcome to…” signs is nobody’s business but the Turks’.

Having checked into the 3rd hotel of my trip, I do some catching-up on e-mail and business-type stuff, then head around the corner to the Union Tavern for some dinner and find it’s just as good as it was when I was last here a year-and-a-half ago. Hooray! Celebrating that by leaving leave my hat under the chair, I head back to the hotel, getting a bottle of wine at the off-licence on the way, then sink into a bathtub with a book, and later sleep until rather late the next morning.

Upon rising–and slowly getting coffee and things into myself in Clerkenwell Market, as well as collecting my hat from the restaurant–I begin wandering in the direction of the British Museum, with the sole purpose of ‘viewing the Staffordshire Hoard’ which is on display there, having only just secured funding to remain in the hands of the British People rather than be exported to some foreign museum for display thousands of miles from the location of its manufacture and original owners, something which has been fairly well-celebrated in the papers a few days previous. The ironic point that that there’s a great lot of carved marble elsewhere in the very same complex that the descendants of the original owners are asking to come back to them seems to be a non-starter, but we’ll get to that in a bit.

After passing the area outside where they’re building a South African garden as part of a South African exhibit to be opened in a month or so, then wandering about a bit on the third, sorry, second floor and discovering the ‘recently acquired objects’ room (which displayed some commemorative plates for Soviet transport achievements), I finally locate the hoard… which is a bit disappointing, as it’s only a few bits of things in four small, waist-high display cabinets. Certainly, they’re still cataloguing and trying to determine what all the little bits are and/or mean, but one expected… well… a HOARD, you know? Some sort of Aladdin’s Cave of treasure and unguents, all laid bare for the probing eyes of the hoi polloi, with silk-draped maidens offering to tend to one’s tired feet with oils and with fresh juices for drinking…

Okay, perhaps I’m getting a tad out of control now, but no more than forty-or-so little objects the size of your thumb, arranged in four little cases with a combined display area of perhaps 48ft² doesn’t really count as much of a trouser-dropping display of an historical discovery. Surely there are sacks and sacks more to be shown… please?

Finding myself in a mood desirous of more historical stimulation, I head in the direction of the fabled ‘Elgin Marbles’, which were too much for me to appreciate the last time this building was visited.

Passing the massive griffins [image, left], I enter the long, high chamber of the display area for the sculptures which once adorned the Athenian Parthenon and its surrounding areas. Just inside the door was a metal display stand holding pamphlets, one of which I took and perused.

Finders keepers! Losers weepers! Too bad, Greek-boys! You’re not gonna get them back, no matter how hard you try, or even if you go crying to your mama! They’re all ours now! Bwa-ha-ha!

Okay, it didn’t say that. Not really, anyway. Almost though. Here’s a rough interpretation on its text, based on what I recall, because I didn’t take a copy away with me.

The so-called ‘Elgin Marbles’ were removed from Greece many years ago by Lord Elgin, during a time when he and his troops were in the area. He felt it vitally important for the carvings to be preserved for future appreciation and cultural understanding of the Ancient Greek People, and the conditions they were enduring were not conducive to their long-term well-being. As carefully as possible, the objects were packed-up and moved to England, where they were eventually purchased by the British Museum for its collection and were put on display for the British people.

The British Museum and its Board of Directors welcomes the construction of the new display facilities in Athens, built by the Greek  and Athenian governments, but the collection which the Elgin Marbles now are a part of, as well as the few carvings which are part of collections in France and [some other European country which might have been Holland or Scandinavia–IAM], permits the appreciation of the ancient Greek culture with an immediately available comparison with other great cultures of the world. If the marbles were to be moved to Greece, not only is the possibility of damage likely, the ability to view and contrast various peoples’ cultural and historical stories would be diminished, and a greater comprehension of the world’s cultural heritage would be far more difficult to convey.

The British Museum values the role they now have with the explanation and presentation of the marbles, as well as the opportunity to continue to offer them as a part of the complete collection it possesses.

Carefully noting the verb “return” is not used once in the entire text, I shake my head at the additional avoidances of admitting  that Lord Elgin and his men actually smuggled the things out of the country because they didn’t have the slightest bit of permission to move a single bit of any of it, and His Lordship’s selling of the marbles to the Museum–thereby washing the guilt from the hands of the Museum in the theft of the carvings–was only the final of several bits of chutzpah demonstrated by him. That all understood, I think: well, I’m here, so are the carvings, may as well have a look at them now that we’re both in the same room as each other, and have a wander around.

They’re beautiful. Honestly, even some of them which are only castings of originals astonishingly demonstrate what was possible with a mallet and a sharp bit of metal in the hands of a craftsman. If they had been in Athens, I would say the same thing, and yes I would go there to see them in situ, and appreciate them as part of the local culture’s entirety.

Still, the things are magnificent, and I’m glad I saw them as a part of this trip. I look forward to visiting Greece, seeing the top of the mountain where there once were, and then seeing them in the gallery at the mountain’s foot where they belong, in the areas which are currently empty awaiting the carvings in the London collection.

Leaving the building just before closing, I head roughly south, down a side-street in an attempt to meander somewhat aimlessly and see what happens to be discovered. As this is ‘going home time’ for most of the area, plus the fact that Holborn Station is about three streets away, what’s discovered happens to be people, mostly. Plus it’s starting to get a bit damp. I head for the pasta place in Sicilian Avenue that was the source of garlic for my cold-filled body in the autumn of 2008; where I had a pleasant conversation with a Finnish woman the next table over about how neither of us were in a rush to head outside into the rain.

The next day dawned cloudy, and the destination was The Southbank, with the ultimate goal being the Tate Modern, Bankside. When visited last, again in the autumn of 2008, the only portion of the building visited was the Turbine Hall area, mostly due to the native guide having in mind a late luncheon on the Embankment, so continued movement was a concern. This time, the whole building was to be explored and then… well, I’d see what happened.

Realizing that “exploring the entire building” was the plan of attack which resulted in the British Museum becoming over-whelming in a matter of a few hours in 2008, I get an audio guide to help sort the wheat from the chaff–or someone’s idea of what the wheat and chaff are–and head to Level 5 and its area called States of Flux: “this focuses on Cubism, Futurism, Vorticism, and Pop Art, containing work by artists such as Pablo Picasso, Roy Lichtenstein, Andy Warhol, and the photographer Eugène Atget”. This sounds cool!

It was, and so the other half of the floor is explored, called Energy and Process: “this focuses on Arte Povera, with work by artists such as Alighiero Boetti, Jannis Kounellis, Kasimir Malevich, Ana Mendieta, Mario Merz, and Jenny Holzer”. I’ve not heard of many of these people, and looking at much of the material is interesting and the patterns and themes they employ start speaking back and forth across the galleries on this level. Neat! I’m starting to really get this stuff! Go me!

Flushed with success, I head to Level 3 and its Material Gestures, which “focuses on abstraction, expressionism and abstract expressionism, featuring work by Claude Monet, Anish Kapoor, Barnett Newman, Mark Rothko, Henri Matisse and Tacita Dean.” Okay, there are some names there in the list I recognize, although the names I recognized two levels up weren’t on little cards next to works that were all that familiar. Still… a massive sculpture of a curved tube whose interior surface is a perfectly glazed black is astounding, as are a number imaginative objects which challenge the concept of what difference there is between ‘art’ and ‘thoughtful provocation’ is; if there is any difference at all.

Beginning to flag, I find myself wandering almost continually, going from one point in the audio tour to another almost without stopping, and investigating the “additional background information” for each piece less and less. Still, I’m here now, and the audio guide is helping me find ‘highlights’ within the collection, so on I go to Level 3’s Poetry and Dream on the far side. Apparently, there is a “sexually explicit section on this level [which] features a drawing by the pseudo-anonymous French artist “Proper Man” entitled le cock et le balls which is his attempt to explore the tension between old and new attitudes to sexuality within an urban environment.” If I saw this, I remember little of it, or it certainly made little impression on me. Given its title and stated content, you’d think it would have some sort of lasting effect on the viewer.

I do remember one exhibit, which was a gallery filled with what appeared to be tools, supplies, and personal items of workmen preparing the space for a new display of works. Then you read the thing on the wall and had revealed that the entire work is a hand-made duplication of what it appears to be, all made with incredible detail out of artificial materials, then fastidiously painted to match the real item. The title revealed what you were looking at was a fake, letting you in on the joke. After looking through the Tate Modern site’s directory I can’t find it now. This was definitely the highlight of the experience for me.

Leaving the building slightly over-filled artistically, I headed along the shore, stopping under Waterloo Bridge at the British Film Institute for some lunch at “The Riverfront”. After the meal, I wandered into the building a bit to see what was on, and noted they were to be screening a brand-new print of A Touch of Evil a few days after I flew home. One of these days I’ll explore the entire complex properly, see a film or two, watch a play at the National Theatre, explore the Hayward Gallery, hear a concert at Royal Festival Hall, and probably get arrested for trying t0 accomplish all of that inside of a day instead of the four or five it ought to take. So much culture is available in so very little space at the end of that bridge (rumour has it that it’s wonderful at sunset… it might even be worthy of inspiring a song about that moment of the day).

Continuing south along the river, I pass the Waterloo Millennium Pier, Jubillee Gardens, and the former County Hall (which now houses the London Aquarium and some… rock & roll… thing). I head across Westminster Bridge towards the Houses of Parliament, located in the Palace of Westminster, with Big Ben set ever-so-carefully at the top of the Westminster Tower. Oddly, the whole kit-n-kaboodle is located in the City of Westminster. Funny, that.

After taking one’s bearings–having just finished taking the icon-filled image above left–I head north along Parliament Street which then changes name into Whitehall… Street, I think; but it could be “Whitehall Road”, or even just “Whitehall”. Given how rapidly streets change their name around this area, it really doesn’t matter if it’s a road, a street, an avenue, or a lane; by the time you’ve figured out which one it is, the name’s different again.

After passing a protest group, taking some photos of them, and wondering where the great big gates across the street from them led (court room? Ministry of Defence offices? euphemistic “Foreign Office” headquarters?), I continue heading towards Trafalgar Square and the National Gallery, first passing the Horse Guards’ massive set of buildings.

Those of you who know London well will, no doubt, have discovered already what those gates cover the entrance of, being the street which intersects with Whitehall north of both King Charles Street and the Cenotaph, and which is directly opposite the end of Richmond Terrace, but it wasn’t until I got home weeks later that I realized where I had been: Downing Street. Yes, that Downing Street. See, once again, it pays to have a Native Guide in order to know what Very Important Things you’ve wandered past.

Continuing up the hill, oblivious of the centre of power just entirely missed, I found myself in the centre of Charing Crescent (or possibly “King Charles’ Island”, it’s tough to tell from the A-Z, frankly), which I considered to merely be a traffic island in the centre of a roundabout. To the west is a big, white, impressive arch-filled thing. I take photographs of it, thinking “Golly, that’s quite important looking!” Continuing in my rôle as a ‘pathetic, ignorant tourist from the Colonies’, I later learn that this impressive blob of stone is the ‘back side’ of Admiralty Arch.

It’s probably now that I should explain why much of this information isn’t as ready to my awareness as it ought to be: I’m getting damned tired, having covered well over 5km on foot, and all of it on hard flagstones (or concrete floors in the Tate Modern); all of it whilst wearing nearly brand-new men’s dress shoes. The rationale was that I had been wearing a pair of runners for a couple of days in a row, so it seemed wise to let them ‘air out’ and wear others instead, the only others being the square-toed, hard-soled, un-cushioned, low-heeled, only worn twice, dress shoes.

My feet hurt, I’m tired, the weather is starting to threaten rain, the air’s getting chilly, and I’m getting rather fatigued spiritually. After taking a few different photographs around Trafalgar Square, I head up Charing Cross Road for the nearest Underground station at Cranbourn Street.

Again, those of you who have London well in the mind will already know what station that will be. Add to this the fact it’s now just prior to 6:00PM. For the rest of you, this is the point you imagine descending into Leicester Square Station in the middle of a busy business district at 6:00PM, add the state of my feet and legs, and then begin shaking your head at how foolish I am at this moment.

Honestly, that’s exactly what happened. I got on the third train that was heading north on the Piccadilly Line, got off at King’s Cross, took the fastest exit to the street (hint: don’t use the King’s Cross Thameslink option; ‘useless’ is the kindest term for it), and directed myself to the hotel.

I think I ate at the Union Tavern that evening. I might not have, to be honest. It’s possible that dinner wasn’t had at all. It’s unlikely, but possible.

The next day I whipped through packing things up, checked out of the hotel, and headed to ‘foreign room #4′ on this trip, in the hotel near Heathrow where EasterCon (Odyssey 2010) was held.

Just after I returned from that event, however, while sitting in St. Pancras Station typing away on my netbook, on the level above me the PM was arriving to take the train off to the West Countries having just declared the start of the General Election that morning. Had I remained at the entrance to the station for another five minutes I probably would have had the opportunity of seeing him. Just another example of history passing me by just around the corner. Or, rather, just above me.