Last evening I went to the mall needing to get a couple of things at Radio Shack… Sorry, they’re called “The Source” now. One wonders exactly what this name indicates they are the source of, precisely? Pure ‚philosophical truth? Are they the Source of Control? Of flour? Flamingos? Who knows?

Oh yes, and it’s no longer ‘Tandy” which is their in-house brand-name any more, it’s “nexXtek”. Yes, with two x-es. No, I’ve not a clue why, nor how to pronounce that. Stop asking these difficult questions, would you?

I was already off to a bad start on this errand, as I was seeking two items whose names meant very little to me. Given I was wandering into the store which provided me with a Christmas gift one year of the 200-in-1 Electronic Kit (make a real radio that works; all by yourself!), it would be logical to think that this place would provide just about anything that I could not only imagine needing, but everything inside would be old hat to me and my technology geek-out tendencies.

However, a “Terminal Strip” (needed to make this antenna) and a SATA to SATA Data Supply Cable with 4-pin Molex to 15-pin Power Adapter (the new version of a Parallel ATA cable which connects a Hard-Drive to a mother-board as well as supplying power to the drive), were not only things I had to write down in order to remember their names, I ended-up reading the damned piece of paper to the youth in the store because I couldn’t remember a word of them; they were that much of a mystery to me. The fact I wanted to ask the employee if his mother knew he was out this late in the evening (6:30) probably provides a further image of how much out of my league I was already.

We find the two items I desire. Attempting to recall the third thing I wanted to at least check a price on – and forgetting once more that Jennifer needs a case fan for her computer, because it sounds much like a Morris Minor that’s badly in need of a complete lube-job, muffler repair, and new timing belt, starting up on a February morning – the sale is rung up at the till.

Because this is Radio Shack The Source, the originator of the ‘up-sell’ and ‘impulse buy inducement, I was asked if I wanted to take advantage of a wonderful deal for AAA batteries? No; although I allowed as how it was a good deal, though.

Was I interested in a one-year, full-replacement warranty for my SATA to SATA Data Supply Cable with 4-pin Molex to 15-pin Power Adapter? For the briefest of moments I wondered who in heavens name would bother spending an extra dollar in case a $10.49 cable failed in the next year?, then simply said “No, thanks.”

Would I like an iPhone 4 with that?

At which point my brain came to the same sort of sudden stop as when a man’s neck-tie gets caught in a desk fan, and with rather the same incomprehensible panic: what just happened and what do I do now?

The iPhone4! Impulse buy one TODAY!

I decided the best course of action was to replay the sound in my head, just in case I entirely misunderstood; surely he couldn’t have said that?

Would you like an iPhone 4 with that?

Why, yes! Yes he did! He did just offer to sell me a brand-new, top-of-the-line, slim & sexy, latest fad-crazed mobile telephonic communication device in the same way as if it was entirely possible that one would also want a side of french fries or a larger soft drink to accompany my meal.

I have nothing against the iPhone. I think it’s an amazing piece of design and engineering. That said, would one decide to select one with such a devil-may-care approach to its selection that one would jump on the opportunity whilst purchasing anything so astonishingly minor as a cable and a block of plastic that helps you to connect two bits of wire? Perhaps I have finally reached that state of time when one is considered “old” and “un-hip”! A mobile phone is not something I’d think “sure, why not! I hadn’t been thinking about that until you mentioned it, but… what the hell?! Slap one of those bad-boys on there, son!” Surely one would take more time as a careful consumer when even considering making such a purchase? The number of competing billing plans alone are enough to confuse a fully-trained Quantity Surveyor!

So… let’s see… We have a deal on batteries; check. Extended warranty plan; check. Paper or plastic; check. Debit or Credit; check. Make your meal a ‘biggie size’; check. Would you like to add a high-tech communication device with incredibly complicated billing system which may very well tie you into emptying your bank account every month for the next three years; check, apparently.

Dashing from the store into the mall, I pass a little cart with sign identifying it as something like “The USB Station”. Other than “things”, I’ve not a clue what they were selling. No idea at all. they looked like light-switch plates, or possibly audio cassette tape cases. Or maybe they were plaque-like Christmas ornaments? I couldn’t tell. From the sign, one might have supposed them to be employing USB-technology, but for what purpose I couldn’t discern. they might ahve been flash-drives, or hand warmers, or some sort of internally lit ornaments doubling as Wankel Rotary Engines for all I could tell.

I panic. I’ve just left a store which once filled my technology-craving heart with joy and is now filled with things I cannot understand the use of, and which is attempting to have me purchase things on an impulse which I consider the acquisition of as being as serious as buying a car. I have just passed a cart selling things using a technology I fully comprehend, yet of which cannot identify the end-use. The walls begin closing in; the grey hair begins leaping through my scalp; my spine begins to bend; my breath to make that wheezing sound… I must leave as quickly as possible before I am found sitting on a bench making the “yyyuuuup yup yup.…” sound of the ancient.

I see no exit, but locate a map of the labyrinth. After a good 45 seconds the “You Are Here” circle is located, and the nearest egress is identified. In order to get my bearings, I stand with my back to the sign, glancing over my shoulder at its map, waving my hands in front of me as I visualize the route which leads to freedom. Doing this makes me look like a raving mad-man.

I do not care. The place is filled to the rafters with tiny youths, wandering aimlessly, staring at the ground about seven feet ahead of them, yatting into their iPhones. Clearly they’ve already visited The Source.

Once upon a time I had fairly good luck with things. I was quite young, yes, but there was nary a contest nor chance which I could enter or encounter which didn’t work to my favor. Rolling dice would result in repeated cries of “YAHTZEE!”; selecting a number in a range would provide the huge gift; and once I was returning from a guided tour of a Canadian Armed Forces Naval vessel, complete with barbeque on the aft deck, which was a prize awarded by the local daily paper that some small number of entrants won, when I told a joke to a disc-jockey in a department store and received a t-shirt for the recently released movie Star Wars (which was far too large for me so my Father wore it instead).

Yes, that was 1977, and those of you who are born after that time can shut your screech-holes before they get filled with Quick-Crete®.

Since that time, my luck seems to have pretty-much disappeared entirely. The litany of things which went ‘wrong’ would be sufficiently long to fill the internet entirely, so let’s just say “it was a lot” and leave it at that, shall we?

Tuesday seems to have been either an official declaration that the drought has come to an end, or at least a statement of the luck returning in some fashion or degree of existence.

A contest I entered weeks ago (and promptly forgot about) reached its ‘draw-date’ and I won one of the prizes. It was co-sponsored by Best Buy and BC Hydro, and arranged by the local blogger Miss 604 as part of “Power Smart Month”, a period in the year that one is reminded about using electricity and other power sources intelligently and with an eye to reducing the amount to that being actually required. I expected to win some Compact Fluorescent Light-Bulbs, or perhaps a coupon for reducing the cost of a low-power lamp, heater, or something along these lines. However, the results were far more than this. I am to receive the Grand Prize of a 46″, 3D-Ready, LED, Flat-Screen Television; a 3D-Capable, Blu-Ray Player featuring Full HD 3D processing for 3D viewing in high definition, complemented by up to 7.1 channels of spectacular surround sound, and with Ethernet and wireless connectivity; plus a 3D Starter Kit containing two pairs of 3D glasses and a copy of Monsters vs. Aliens (3D Blu-Ray); all of which is to be set-up by the Geek Squad in their advanced setup install which includes wall mounting, wire concealing and full audio setup for a complete living room set up that both looks fantastic and maximizes the TV viewing experience. If you’re wondering why all of that is part of a “Power Smart” promotion, all of the components receive a “Energy Star Rating” of 4.0.

Well… a bit more than a light-bulb or two, eh?

Shortly thereafter, I received an e-mail from A Very Famous Writer Person providing their home address to which, yes, they would be happy to get some books from me in my Atomic Fez mode. Hurray! How wonderful to be able to (hopefully, anyway) get some decent, earth-shattering exposure! Lord knows I can bloody-well use it right now, as the world’s economy continues to have its horrible way with sales figures.

So… two.

Then, suddenly, and entirely unexpectedly, the Premier of the Province of British Columbia announces he’s asking the Liberal Party to hold a leadership convention as soon as it’s able, as he’s stepping down. Some may recall that recently this blog had a quite bitter and cynical rant about how I no longer could rationally state my support of the government office as being a complicated one to judge from the outside the actions of the owner of the position. “There’s lots of things that are tough to know about from an outsider’s perspective” was the approach mostly taken, but the number of times things by Gordon Campbell pushed me to a position of “no politician can be trusted in any fashion” had reached the point of no return, and he was solely to blame for this.

And… there’s three, then.

I can’t wait for the next triumvirate of grand success.

Here’s a run through of this week’s, minus any identification of the scribbling writer-boy.

While the entries about the recent trip to the UK have been left for awhile, efforts to explain what the e-book is and is not (IE: useful and environmentally responsible; a threat to printed books or the people who read them) has been engaged in for some time over on the Atomic Fez site.

Meanwhile, here’s a little something that Christoper Fowler discovered where letters dance on a page: GO HERE

My father sent me this just now. This is incomprehensible. It’s exciting, and suggests that the days of rapid rail travel are not over, as well as making possible environmentally responsible cross-continent travel without using æroplanes!

This is a high speed train built by the Alstom rail group in Belfort , France, which shares manufacturing facilities with the GE Energy Products Europe EPE Gas Turbine group. The video was provided by the GE EPE Chief Engineer in Belfort.

Here’s the video (sorry, I’ve not a good way of embedding it here, so click the link below if you’re not getting anything), with some statistical numbers beneath it for those who can absorb them in meaningful ways. Personally, it’s in the range past “really fast” in my mind.

World’s Fastest Rail Train (current)

The Chunnel Rail Link goes approx. 300 KMH
This train peaks at 574.8 KMH
which is 357.2 MPH
or, if you’re still not really impressed:
Mach 0.482, almost ½ the speed of sound!
…on the ground!
…without a jet engine behind you!
…and it’s a trolley!

Building on last month’s successful meeting re-examining the existing publishing model, we’ve lined up renegade publisher and artist Robert Chaplin of independent publisher Library Editions to give us his take on end-running the Old Boy’s Network.

On Monday May 18^th at the Shebeen Club, Royal Canadian Academician Robert Chaplin will discuss publication and treasure, vis a vis the extinction of codex in the electronic age, and the importance of perfect rhyme and meter with respect to the mainstream absorption of hip hop.

Robert Chaplin was born under a lucky star and has fed pancakes to WhiskeyJacks. He will be launching his fourth Library Edition trade hardcover Brussels Sprouts & Unicorns on Thursday May 21^st at Walrus, 18^th & Cambie.

• Who: Robert Chaplin and the Shebeen Club
• What: our monthly meeting
• When: 6-9pm Monday, May 18^th
• Where: The Shebeen, behind the Irish Heather, 210 Carrall Street in Vancouver [map here]
• Deets: $15 includes dinner and a drink, so what are you waiting for?