If everyone jumped off a bridge, no, I wouldn’t also do so. More than likely I’d end-up standing there watching and moaning about how I can’t afford to jump off a bridge, or about how my leg hurts and that’s stopping me, or probably there’s be some sort of ‘my arms are too short to grab the cross-bar to swing out on’ complaint. This may sound like I’m actually avoiding the jumping, but it’s actually a way of “getting one up” on the people who are doing the jumping and, thus, getting more attention for myself in the process. Which, mostly, is what we’re about to engage in, only using the year of 2011 as a basis of examination, rather than jumping off a bridge.

Cheered-up yet? Don’t worry, it’ll get dour soon enough.

After probably over two years of un-interrupted hair growth, a haircut.

Publishing & Frustration

If anything can be said to be “what 2011 has taught me”, it’s that one should either have tonnes of cash to force your plan to come to fruition in a small amount of time, or you shouldn’t have any delusions about being successful to any degree beyond a tiny amount. Publishing is under-going a massive re-structuring in how it gets stories to people, who controls what, and even how they make money at all. Thinking “yes, well, I’m small enough to bounce when necessary and adapt as fast as required, plus I’m already starting from the idea that eBooks are ‘good’ and they need to be priced as though they’re Mass Market Paperbacks”, I wasn’t too worried about breaking even eventually on things.

Sadly, I’m in the same situation as publishers at any size of operation are: doing badly financially.

The autumn saw two more books published by Atomic Fez Publishing, both by Canadian authors. They are Dirk Danger Loves Life by Chris Rothe, as well as Terribilis by Carol Weekes. Sales of both have been fairly solid, including a substantial order from Canada’s high-street bookshop, Chapters/Indigo/Cole’s (which is actually a mixed blessing, and click this link to learn why). So, good!

“Terribilis” and “Dirk Danger Loves Life” upon arrival

Once the books were delivered, there was still some time to get myself organised properly with them in time for them to be on sale at VCon Nº36, as well as adverts for them in the programmes of that event, plus the British Fantasy Society’s annual “FantasyCon” the same week-end, plus the UK editions of Terribilis in hard-cover were ready in time for that same event. Hooray!

During the BFS “FantasyCon”, Atomic Fez was in the running for two awards: “Best Small Press (2010)” and “Best Novella (2010)” for one of its books, Ponthe Oldenguine by Andrew Hook. There were also a few other categories and titles Atomic Fez showed-up in as part of the ‘long list’ of nominated books for people to vote for. To make it into the shortlist in the first year you qualify for consideration is pretty good (and Atomic Fez is the first non-UK publisher to be ‘shortlisted’ for “Best Small Press” as far as I can tell), and there was one other author being considered by a BFS Awards committee which is the sort of thing they don’t announce. So that’s good too! Unfortunately I couldn’t interest the media in talking to me about that at all, even in a slow news period, and even considering one of the other novellas in the running for that award was 1922 by Stephen King, and he didn’t win either.

Additionally, I contracted a PR person to help me with marketing, media relations, and other things that I hadn’t a clue about, and she did a bang-up job in the early months of 2011. The difference she made didn’t manifest itself until the last half of the year, but the effect she’s had shows-up in the fact that Chapters/Indigo/Cole’s didn’t give a sweet fuck about my books until she worked her magic. Additional things she beat me for until I did them was to get copies of some back-titles out to readers through a contest over on GoodReads.com, copies of the two new titles out through that same process as well as LibraryThing.com.

At the same time, though, sales dropped tremendously, no matter what I did. Advertising didn’t seem to do much; at least not more than have people visit the site more. I’ve always considered advertising as a “long game”, with the notion of repetitive exposure being the key to eventual sales increase. Visit the site though people did, part with their money they did not. Even deep sales of 50% or more, as well as transatlantic distribution centres to reduce postage costs, didn’t seem enough to interest people in September.

Bronze Fennel

So, with the end of this year, and a continual smash on our household finances causing us to hit the limits on all of our available credit and no further allowances for extending that any more, I’m now seeking a ‘day job’ to provide as much cash as possible in order to pour funds into the coffers of Atomic Fez. “Selling out” might be the best description, really.

I’m sick and bloody tired of trying to be my own man, frankly. Over the past quarter-century I’ve often been entrepreneurial out of sheer necessity, but mostly due to me not being drawn to the life of a veal-kennel-living worker-drone. Thus, I’ve been a professional photographer, a retail store owner, an actor and arts-journalist, and now editor and publisher. I’ve probably made far more “working for The Man” in retail, and when with the BC civil service as a file clerk, than all of those others combined. Most of one’s life is supposed to be spent being self-supporting and ensuring that society’s less-well-off are provided for properly; whether through tax payments or charitable donations. So far I’ve spent the vast majority of my working life with so poorly an income that I’ve not paid a cent in taxes (although with no “deductions at source”, so there’s been no refund cheques either), and – being in my late-40s now – I’m sick and bloody tired of it. If spending the daytime hours making someone else rich through my effort means I get enough money every fortnight I can do what I bloody want the rest of the time – and not have to make do with either not having something or having crap instead – then it’ll mean I’ll be free to actually see a film occasionally, have a suit that’s newer than my current 15-year-old one (and it was bought at a consignment store, so who knows how old it was already), and maybe even not rely on the generosity of others for ability to do just about anything.

Still, given the amount of effort that’s gone into the earlier endeavours of my own, it’s damned frustrating that none of them actually paid off, and the declaration by Kevin O’Leary that “if a business hasn’t turned a profit by two years, take that dog out behind the shed and shoot it” is something that either makes me weep or wish to punch the guy in the face for saying. Still, it haunts my mind daily, especially as it could very well be the right approach to take for all I know.

Movies Galore

During the rest of the year, I watched movies galore in order to teach myself something about story and structure of it therein. As having never taken an English degree (or a degree of any kind at all, actually), the ability to examine a story and not only know if something doesn’t work, but know why it doesn’t work, has been done based on a combination of reading experience, text examination as an actor, and pure gut-instinct. Being sure I was making adjustments to a story without merely making it match my eclectic and esoteric tastes was something I’ve lacked. Thus, I jammed as many well-regarded movies and TV series into my eye-balls as I could. There’s a lot of films I’ve missed through lack of opportunity or due to considering them “beneath me” for various reasons, but their influential natures are coming to surface in too many things I’m working with as an editor that I could no longer ignore them, in my view. The end result of this effort is recorded in the reviews here on this site, which number over one hundred in quantity (and there’s a bunch I’ve not reviewed during the past year). I’ll probably continue to do it into next year, as it’s a good way to focus one’s views of the film and re-enforce the lessons in structure the stories might teach.

My conclusion early-on in this effort was that, to be successful, a story requires only three things: a solid plot, some developed characters, little bit of action (minimal, even, but at least a bit), and you can mix in with them any story-form, genre, or influence you want. Miss out one of those three, or get the balance wrong, and you’re screwed.

Case in point: the three-part series under The Matrix banner, which got an entirely wrong balance in the final two films, which contain a complete shortage of plot and character but oodles of action, and I found the them to be so generally pointless that their simple existence was insufficiently justified. The first one ion the series was not only the best re-telling of the New Testament I’ve ever seen, and was so perfectly structured in its story and character arc that stopping right there would have been far better than anything else. But the film made too much money, and Hollywood can’t leave “well enough” alone, and need to rape it for all the opportunities it might offer.

An interesting thing to note about the “Matrix Trilogy” is that the gross box office receipts for the first film were $171,479,930 (as of 26 September 1999), with an estimated production budget of $63 million; the second film’s gross was $281,492,479 (as of 26 October 2003), on an estimated budget of $150 million; and the gross for the third was $139,259,759 (as of February 2004) for a film with an estimated budget of $110 million [all figures are $US]. Thus, we have three films made for $323 million making a gross income of $592,232,168, thus supposedly netting $269,232,168, and that’s just the films at the box office during their initial wide-release; there’s still the DVD releases of each film – and don’t forget the box-set, anniversary, and BLU-RAY editions – plus distribution of the film itself after those initial cinema receipts. Now for the bizarre part: none of the films have ever formally posted a profit. Ever. This is a prime example of Hollywood Accounting, which sufficiently screws with the financial records so that they never have to pay someone a part of the profits; just look at Art Buchwald’s experience for further proof.

Crocus sativus (“The Safron Crocus”)

Key films for various reasons: Star Wars Episodes I-III; Kurosawa’s Ran and The Seven Samurai, as well as Yojimbo; the “Man With No Name” trilogy from Sergio Leone; the Brothers Coen, for demonstrating they do nearly all noir films, but in a minimalist fashion, Spartacus, for the commentary track with the scene-by-scene detailed memo from the writer about why bits were required to shore-up character and plot points; the Bond series to appreciate how well made the early ones were, as well as how each of the films add to a continuous influence of tales reflecting the politics of the times; the series of “Planet of the Apes” and “Alien” films for demonstrating how action and SF can co-exist with intelligence, as well as the latter for introducing me to the brilliance of David Fincher; 2001: A Space Odyssey and Doctor Stranglelove (or “How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love the Bomb) for demonstrating the range of Stanley Kubrick’s talent, back-to-back (the comedy was released in 1964 and the SF-film was his next film, in 1968).

Summary

So… there we are: 2011. The only things that I seemed to do well returned no income, and that’s been the pattern for me since leaving high school. Stunning.

So I look to 2012 to provide me with an income derived through the anonymity of working for other people as a tiny cog in a massive machine which probably contributes to the continual division of the ‘rich’ and the ‘poor’ becoming more and more cavernous every day. Pardon me whilst I leave you to search for a corporate teat from which to suckle.

Bitter? Me? Hell no! That’s not a strong enough word, for one thing…

Sadly, in my opinion, Harper has been handed a blank cheque to do whatever he wants, with no punishment in the offing. The national voters seem to have said “whatever it takes” in order to get whatever it is that is their individual priority. This makes me sad.

As with the previous post, what follows is a copy of my stream as I “live tweeted” the returns (which is hardly a verb, but I haz not a shit to carez for dat as the LOL-kidz say. This will again be in reverse chronology, so head to the bottom to work your way from start to finish.

	oytamarind Brad K — RT by IanAMartin What part of “CONTEMPT OF PARLIAMENT” do you guileless sheep not understand?! #elxn41 24 minutes ago
	@thedarkerside We’ll all be safe once everyone is in jail! …oh, wait… #elxn41bc 15 minutes ago
	#elxn41bc Bby Douglas is going to be a very close one again. NDP 43% to CPC 39%. I smell re-count. 17 minutes ago
	JonJennings Jon Jennings — RT by IanAMartin If one good thing comes out of this, it’ll be me finally applying for my citizenship so I can vote against these liars & criminals next time
	#elxn41bc Canada has handed Harper a blank cheque. What in blazes are we going to do until someone locks him in jail? 20 minutes ago
	@Astrogirl426 The PM + his Gov’t was charged with “contempt” (and that was a new charge to my ears) and out-right lied during campaign. Sad. 22 minutes ago
	@Astrogirl426 About to begin second glass of wine. #elxn41bc 25 minutes ago
	#elxn41bc Here’s a question: does this mean a resurgence of the Proportional Representation, I wonder? 25 minutes ago
	reneestephen Renée Stephe–RT by IanAMartin They used to say that Canada trails the US by about 10 years in terms of trends. We’re right on track, I guess. 26 minutes ago
	pqpolitics Pete Quily–RT by IanAMartin “I will serve as long as the party wants me to serve and not a day longer” Iggy Not long I’d suggest #elxn41 #lpc 27 minutes ago
	@Astrogirl426 Holy crap, it’s like 1980 when Reagan cleaned-up in California and re-drew everything conservative. #elxn41bc 28 minutes ago
	#elxn41bc Wow the CBC Translator’s microphone really needs to be grounded. Terrible buzz! 29 minutes ago
	@harrietglynn Don’t forget that the CPC is the Reform with new name, it’s NOT the old Tories. @smuttysteff @anthonyfloyd #elxn41bc 30 minutes ago
	PhoeLam Phoenix Lam–RT by IanAMartin In other news…my cat just ran into the door. LOL 31 minutes ago
	@smuttysteff @anthonyfloyd Well, it’s certainly the end of the [Liberal] party that we have known over the years. 33 minutes ago
	#elxn41bc Burnaby South/New West looks like NDP again. It moves around a bit historically. 34 minutes ago
	@AnthonyFloyd There’s some coughing [in the Liberal crowd] a second ago. I think they’re all incredibly stunned. #elxn41bc 35 minutes ago
	#elxn41bc Libby Davies ahead by over 2:1 and solid enough to call that one. 36 minutes ago
	#elxn41bc Liberals down 44 seats. It’s almost as bad as Kim Campbell taking Mulrony’s drubbing for him. 37 minutes ago
	#elxn41bc How odd that the crowd in front of Ignatieff isn’t doing traditional vocal denial of results when he congratulates Harper/Leighton. Well, okay, not odd; telling. 37 minutes ago
	@harrietglynn @smuttysteff Ken Dryden is behind substantially. I’ve said it before: there is no safe seat this year. 39 minutes ago
	CBCStephenQuinn Stephen Quinn–RT by IanAMartin Duceppe defeated. elxn41bc 41 minutes ago
	@Zoeyjane “Even the Bruins won”…? What riding were they in? I was… oh. sorry. #elxn41bc 40 minutes ago
	#elxn41bc Van South 1300 to 1100 (CPC to Liberal) 41 minutes ago
	ounodesign ouno–RT by IanAMartin RT @AndyJukes: Don’t call them Tories. The Tory party is long gone. These people are right-wing lunatics, plain and simple. #elxn41 42 minutes ago
	@AnthonyFloyd Pardon? Oh, I suppose that [Elisabeth May is] independent/other until [the Greens] have official status. [Vancouver East MP Libby Davies] got 550 to 235 last I saw. …so that’s something. #elxn41bc 44 minutes ago
	#elxn41bc BBY-Douglas is now NDP 46% to Cons 39%. And it just went there from a wider margin. Eeep! ~ Elizabeth May 566, next one is 543. 45 minutes ago
	CBCVancouver CBC Vancouver–RT by IanAMartin Type in your postal code and get results for your riding http://bit.ly/elnK8g #elxn41 50 minutes ago
	CBCStephenQuinn Stephen Quinn–RT by IanAMartin Popular Vote so Far: CPC 40 NDP 31 Lib 20 BQ 5 Green 3.5 #elxn41bc National Numbers 50 minutes ago
	#elxn41bc @harrietglynn Totally. [The Liberal’s drubbing is] a bullet [Ignatieff] will not dodge. Paul Martin bowed out after a far better position. 1 hour ago
	#elxn41bc @cbcnewsbc says independent/other in one riding. Please tell me this is Helena Georgis (badly spelled: turfed by Harper for rumours) 1 hour ago
	#elxn41bc Hating m keyboard layout. Hating! 1 hour ago
	vancouver East.#elxn41bc Libbie Davies ahead 2:1 in ~~ 1 hour ago
	#elxn41bc Elisabeth May is in very slim lead by 39 votes. @Herne Ignatieff STILL behind by nearly 1,000 votes. ~ Bob Rae is very tight in the lead. ~ 1 hour ago
	EmmeRogers Emme Rogers–RT by IanAMartin What happened with the University Vote Mobs? Please don’t tell me they voted Conservative or neglected to actually vote? 1 hour ago
	#elxn41bc Chilliwack-Fraser Canyon sees Strahl’s son in with a 2:1 rate. Surprising, given his lack of experience. Vancouver-East: Con high 300, Liberal mid-200. The BQ and Liberals are both down the same amount of popular vote. Ken Dryden is out! KEN DRYDEN!!!! Un-be-liev-a-ble. 1 hour ago
	#elxn41bc @cbcnewsbc now caling Conservative Majority. I am getting wine now. BBY-Doug NDP ahead by 66%. Conservatives 2nd place, AND THEY DID NOTHING FOR THAT! 1 hour ago
	#elxn41bc Vancouver south: CPC 120, to Lib 90-odd. Sorry, @julesjulesjules ~ Vancouver East 216 to 135 (NDP vs. Cons) 1 hour ago
	smuttysteff Steffani Cameron–RT by IanAMartin 1 hour ago Anyone who didn’t vote today, they ever fucking whine to me about this country, NOT slapping them might be impossible.
	Herne Herne–RT by IanAMartin Gilles Duceppe is out! Ignatieff is still down by 1,000 votes! #cdnpoli #elxn41
	#elxn41bc There are no safe seats tonight. People have abandoned the Liberals and gone NDP? How ARE the Cons getting this support? 2 hours ago
	@jpadamson Usually, yes, but [Libby Davies’] lead right now is still very slim. Everything in Canada is up for change from the norm it seems. #elxn41bc 2 hours ago
	#elxn41bc Bby-Douglas 205 NDP, CPC 104. Again, close. ~ Vancouver East is 150 to 120 for NDP, but still too early. ~ Kooteney is CPC 2:1, Okanagan is CPC 7:3, New West-Coquitlam very very close. 2 hours ago
	#elxn41bc Vancouver East might not go NDP, but all numbers below 100 ~ Rishmond: CPC 4:1 [I swear I hadn’t even opened wine at this point] ~ Okanagan Shuswap: CPC 2:1 ~ Delta-Richmond CPC 3:1 ~ Bby-Douglas looks like NDP so far. ~ 2 hours ago
	@julesjulesjules so very saddening. #elxn41bc #whereIsThatWine ~ South Surry: CPC by 3:1 ~ Cariboo: CPC by 3:1 ~ Too Close to call: Vcvr-Quadra, Vcvr-Kingsway. Both look NDP-leaning 2 hours ago
	CBCVancouver CBC Vancouver–RT by IanAMartin Current results: CON 153 NDP 106 LIB 31 BQ 4 #elxn41 2 hours ago
	@inkcanada Even URBAN Ontario has gone blue. What country is this? Has John A come back? #elxn41bc 2 hours ago
	inkcanada Karen Walton–RT by IanAMartin Ontario, I never knew ye. You have swallowed the Kool-Aid and yet hate on pre-change US? Really, rural ON. wow. 2 hours ago
	@Watcher58 That’s what I thought. It’s like Reagan cleaning-up in California. By today’s standards, Reagan would make a good Liberal leader. #elxn41bc 2 hours ago
	#elxn41bc Richmond is CPC (Wong) by 151 to 36 for liberals ~ Kootenay is CPC (Wilkes) by 2:1 ~ If there’s oodles of conservative support, why am I living here still? #whereIsThatWine 2 hours ago
	#elxn41bc According to CBC prediction: Conservatives 153 seats. One more and they’ll have a true majority. Oops! 151 seats now. 2 hours ago
	#elxn41bc Duceppe behind by 1/3 in his riding. Harper’s ahead by 500% in his riding. Ignatieff behind by 10% in his. 2 hours ago
	CBCStephenQuinn Stephen Quinn–RT by IanAMartin Wait… BC could decide on whether it’s a CPC majority. Don’t turn it off yet! #elxn41bc 20 hours ago
	#elxn41bc Ontario is rejecting the Liberals in droves. I’ve never seen that. I wonder when it last was this way. Duceppe and Ignatieff are both trailing in 2nd place in their ridings. The whole Canadian Political map is being redrawn. The clear message voters are giving is “Harper can do ANYTHING he wants.” So very sad. 20 hours ago
	@TheresaLalonde #elxn41bc I suspect that Justin [Trudeau] might actually refuse to run for leader [of the Canadian Liberal Party]. He’s already seen what that demands. 20 hours ago
	#elxn41bc CBC predicts NDP as er Majesty’s Loyal Opposition. I can live with that. ~ …okay. Conservatives 138, NDP 87, Lib 29, BQ 6. Time for wine, I think. ~ What with the results we have now, the desire to start a pool about when @petermansbridge sits down calls to me. 20 hours ago
	smuttysteff Steffani Cameron–RT by IanAMartin Don’t know why I’m even planning to watch the election results. I wonder if there’s a hole I can go stick my head in somewhere. 20 hours ago
	#elxn41bc Volpe is at HALF the CPC candiate’s numbers. What the hell happened? I didn’t think the Conservatives had a chance! I know long-term Tories who refused to vote for the Harper-led party. Ajax/Pickering: CPC ahead by 25%. Ignatieff is ahead by one. ONE vote! Incredible. Totally insane. 20 hours ago
	#elxn41bc Things are early still, but CBC TV saying 132 Con, 70 NDP, Lib 29, Bloc 5. Missed the radio numbers. Volpe is out, PC replaced him in Eglington. Surprising. So is Soloman waving his arms around. Not normal for him. 20 hours ago
	CBCAlerts CBC News Alerts–RT by IanAMartin Cabinet ministers Peter MacKay, Gail Shea re-elected . Defence minister wins in NS, fisheries minister wins in PEI. 20 hours ago
	#elxn41bc CBC reporting 62 NDP seats, Liberals 27, Bloc 5. Liberals looking worst in its history. CBC projecting CPC government with 131 seats (150 for majority). #whereIsThatWine 20 hours ago
	smuttysteff Steffani Cameron–RT by IanAMartin Global is apparently CALLING the election nationally without even having had polls close on the west? If so, fuck off, Global. Asshats. 20 hours ago
	#elxn41bc I still say the easiest process for voting is a pencil and a bit of paper. #HangingChads 20 hours ago
	#elxn41bc Damned fingers are cold, plus a bandage on one of them, and this netbook has an 80% keyboard. #NotDrinkingYet #Really #Seriously 20 hours ago
	CBCStephenQuinn Stephen Quinn–RT by IanAMartin 8 minutes Until we are able to report results. Man. Long eight minutes. 20 hours ago
	#elxn41bc I’m guessing that Vancouver-South will be Dosanj due to Leung’s civil case and Malik’s approval. …okay, HOPING that happens. 20 hours ago
	CBCVancouver CBC Vancouver–RT by IanAMartin 11 minutes left before results @petermansbridge continues to introduce the Canada Votes panel #elxn41 20 hours ago
	#elxn41bc Hearing @CBCStephenQuinn discussing Social Media #tweettheresults points. AM 690 / FM 88.1 20 hours ago
	gaybachelorblog Gay Bachelor Blog–RT by IanAMartin #tweettheresults The blueberries are at 25, the strawberries at 21, oranges at 15 20 hours ago
	Jessica Adamson @jpadamson–RT by IanAMartin UBC students are getting turned away from the polls? Does anyone have confirmation. #elxn41bc 20 hours ago
	Herne Herne–RT by IanAMartin Canada : Stephen Harper breaks election rules, campaigns on radio on election day http://herne.me/isuIAa #cdnpoli #elxn41 20 hours ago
	#elxn41bc Narduar on TV right now with Ignatief. Thank goodness the signal’s muted. ~ Burnaby-Douglas was NDP last time by 700 votes, CPC 2nd place. No campaigning by them this time, so NDP #1 and CPC #3. My guess is that Atlantic Canada will go CPC and Liberal, as those are very tradition-based voting patterns. Multi-gen. traditions #prediction 20 hours ago
	ChrisDca Chris D.–RT by IanAMartin Interesting. Americans on Twitter encouraging Canadians to e-mail them early election results and they’ll tweet them. #tweettheresults 22 hours ago
	CBCVancouver CBC Vancouver–RT by IanAMartin CBC takes a light look at #elxn41 with @CBCDragon kicking things off. @kevinolearytv says he wouldn’t want to be PM as it doesn’t pay enough. 20 hours ago
	#elxn41bc I wonder if the CPC candidate for Bby-Douglas ever knocked on a door? *I* never saw him. ~ Polls close in 26 minutes people. VOTE YOUR ASS OFF (presuming you haven’t yet). ~ Evan Soloman looks so spiffy in his suit and his gigantic iPad. He keeps making smileys on it too. 20 hours ago
	#elxn41bc Hey, Harper! You shouldn’t “be in Ottawa dealing with the economy”, you should be dealing with the Contempt Charges! 21 hours ago
	#elxn41bc The real question about @cbcnewsbc TV coverage: will @petermansbridge get to sit down? ~ Hey! @petermansbridge is following 42 people now! ~ AHA! @petermansbridge is standing! 21 hours ago
	#elxn41bc A Conservative majority results in nation-wide celibacy. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement 21 hours ago
	Currently watching Gloria and New Guy chat… oh, now we’re in commercial. BC feed not picked up on radio yet, polls close in 40 #elxn41bc 21 hours ago
	raincoaster raincoaster–RT by IanAMartin @IanAMartin Personally, I’m thinking watching the election on the big screen at a casino might be a good metaphor #Vancouver #lazyweb 21 hours ago
	CBCStephenQuinn Stephen Quinn–RT by IanAMartin Going Live with our local coverage in 12 minutes on CBC Radio One. Tag your local tweets #elxn41bc and we’ll pull them in to Cover it Live. 21 hours ago
	Currently in basement, on netbook, @cbcradio on, @cbcnewsbc muted on TV… all is ready. #elxn41bc 21 hours ago

Yesterday, being the day before the federal election, I ‘rehearsed’ in my twitter stream, just so as to be ready for later today. Below is the result. Note that the most final, or “most recent one”, is at the top, so you should read them in order from the bottom up to maintain chronological order. Also, that way the punch line will follow the set-up. Always better.

	…right. Rehearsal complete. Tune in to see those gaps filled in with actual names and quotes. The fun starts at 7:00pm Pac. #elxn41bc 23 hours ago
	Does anyone know where I can get a TV repaired inexpensively? #elxn41bc 23 hours ago
	If [party leader] says [frequent talking point phrase] once more I’m going to throw something at the TV! #elxn41bc 23 hours ago
	@AnthonyFloyd This is why the rehearsal is good. Locating both correct spelling and smart location prior to need. #elxn41bc 23 hours ago
	OMG! I can’t believe [name of candidate] got re-elected! After they said [daft public statement] only last week? #elxn41bc 23 hours ago
	If those numbers from the east for #elxn41bc don’t get neutralized by BC soon, I’m going to set some houses on fire! 23 hours ago
	Iff’n something doesn’t come in soon for [riding not yet reporting returns] I’ma gonna kill someone! #elxn41bc 23 hours ago
	AUUGHGHGGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGGHGHGHGH! #elxn41bc is going to be the worst moment in the history of the Dominion! I’m moving to New Zeland! 23 hours ago
	HOLY CRAP! I don’t believe the returns in [riding name] for [candidate/party affiliation]!!! It’s like [year it happened] again! #elxn41bc 23 hours ago
	[then realizes he forgot #elxn41bc in the last tweet, swears quietly, notes he’ll have to be careful about that in 24 hours] 23 hours ago
	[twitches a bit, flexes arms, stretches back and shoulders, wiggles fingers, rolls head around on neck] 23 hours ago
	Okay, earlier today @petermansbridge and @CBCStephenQuinn were rehearsing for #elxn41bc tomorrow, so it’s time for me to do the same. [ahem]

The Dextr application which makes your Twitter feed into a screen-filling, one-tweet-per-screen image that you can run on a secondary screen or laptop.

Last September, I complained about how I no longer had any respect for what I felt was an egregiously arrogant attitude demonstrated by the then-Premier of British Columbia, Gordon Campbell.

BC Premier Resigns!!

This resulted, barely over two months later, in the headline on the left: “Premier’s resignation ‘emotional’ for Liberals”. It was also emotional for non–Liberals, but an entirely different and diametrically opposed one, I assure you.

Clearly I have more power than even Stephen Colbert does, and am able to topple reigning governments.

Thus, I now call the attention of the Right Honourable Stephen Harper, QC PC; Prime Minster of Her Majesty’s Dominion of Canada; leader of the Conservative Party of Canada; and Member of Parliament for Calgary Southwest, that he is being called out for being ‘a big poopie head’! He may choose to ignore this, but he is urged to hie his thoughts to the fate of the previous leader to be like engaged on this blog.

I vaguely recall people suggesting that President Clinton ought was to be impeached for merely lying about getting a blow-job in the Oval Office, yet this nit-wit gets to blame the other parties for anything that pops into his head. Why, when refusing to provide simple financial information about budgetary estimates, even after being ordered to do so by a Parliamentary Committee, does he get to ignore the fact and say in the House of Commons that “the Opposition is refusing to negotiate about this budget” and not get bounced on his pointy head on the way into a holding cell?

Stephen Harper, Canadian Prime Minister, at Jan. 2010 World Economic Forum (photo, Remy Steinegger)

Plus, for a Conservative Party Leader, Mr. Harper does a terribly poor job of respecting traditions, I might add.

No matter what your political stripe, and despite your view of the policies of ‘the Harper Government’ (as he’s now decreed the ‘Government of Canada’ is to be referred), you’ll probably agree that a guy who doesn’t follow the rules of his own parliamentary system really ought to give his head a shake.

My principle concern is the seeming ease that Mr. Harper has with ignoring the truth, ignoring the need to rule in an open manner, and to follow the law of the Her Majesty’s House of Parliament.

When Mr. Harper says that a coalition isn’t an acceptable way to form a government – after attempting to form one in 2004, plus the fact that it’s perfectly fine according to the British Parliamentary system – he’s lying.

When he says he was defeated because of the budget – when the motion of non-confidence specifically referenced not just one, but the first two findings of ‘Contempt of Parliament’ for a PM in the history of the Commonwealth – he’s lying.

When he says that average Canadians don’t care about “political manœuvrings” – when, I would like to point out, this ‘average Canadian’ does care about the wording of motions made in the House of Parliament and would damned well like him to start caring about it them as well – he’s lying.

His then standing around and saying “those guys, those other political guys over there, shouldn’t get any help trying to stop my run-away train in its head-long rush to an American-style bicameral governmental structure” just pisses me right off. Here’s something the talented actor Peter New posted on Facebook a few days ago, with his comments coming first, then the newspaper article he’s reacting to just after that.

OK, so what he means here is, “my party can pay our election costs either way due to the support we get from wealthy donators, and if we scrap this subsidy we can win more elections because the other guys are all supported by poor people.” Or am I misreading it?

Tired of constant campaigns, Harper says he’ll scrap per-vote subsidy (“Globe and Mail”) – Last attempt to eliminate public stipend for political parties triggered coalition attempt to topple Tories in 2008

No, Mr. New, you are spot-on with your assessment. What in blazes does Mr. Harper think he can get away with here? Basically he’s saying “Well, we’re in power now so what you, the electorate, have to do is re-elect us with a proper majority. This way, we can ensure that those other parties will never be able to stage a meaningful campaign ever again, and I can have the ‘PM for Life’ title that God created me for.”

Lest you think that he’s not already of a mind that he’s in a position of superiority, remember that this is the guy who decided that the name of the country wasn’t as important in the Government’s identity as his own name; is of the opinion that ‘marriage’ is something only acceptable between people of opposing genders, despite the fact that ‘love’ seems to be in short supply around the World; decided last year that it was somehow wrong to make the census ‘long form’ mandatory and preserve the usefulness of the data and the money spent to gather it; and declared that there was no actual need to examine any options for new fighter-jets, beyond the asking “which one did the USA opt for?”, thus giving the country a cost currently estimated* at over $264 million for each of the 64 aircraft!

I’m fed-up with the whole lot of political leaders in the country, by the way, but will admit to being most fed-up with Harper; both as a politician as well as a man.

I yearn for those days when the leaders still directly engaged with one another. You know, the “You had an option, sir!” era? Back when we actually had leaders! You know, like Pierre Elliot Trudeau, John Diefenbaker, and even Joe Clark: people who, even if you didn’t agree with their thinking, clearly were making a decision that was based on something other than their own Sisyphean, hubris-stuffed whims.

An illuminating essay by Murray Dobbin about the retrenchment of Canada’s unique governing codes in favour of American ones can be READ AND/OR DOWNLOADED HERE. I admit I’ve not read a word of it, but seeing as the above screed of my own had resulted in me needing a lie-down, the essay of Mr. Dobbin’s would most likely require me to have a coronary by-pass.

Again I will point out to Mr. Harper that the last time I stood up for what I believe in, the result was a party leadership campaign.

ADDED LATER: Again, thanks to Mr. New for pointing out this development: it now seems that Mr. Harper cares not for even the semblance of accountability, as the media invited to a ‘photo op’ are limited to that activity only, and that any questions of any nature are no longer welcomed.

And now, here’s Stephen Colbert’s version of the fall of the government. Because by this point we all need a laugh.

* We would know exactly what it will be, but that’s one of the things not being provided to the House of Commons [RETURN]

While not entirely confident this means I’m “Famous”, “Canada Famous” or even “CBC Famous”, the following ought to be enough to make TentativeEquinox jealous.

Jann Arden follows ME now! (click to enlarge/close)

I am now accepting the sort of monetary inducements normally offered to Monarchs, Practicing Warlocks, or Influential Bureaucrats. PLEASE NOTE: Rick Mercer needs to double any amount he offers, owing to how mean he is to the nice Arden lady and her cute little dog.