What the first film suffers from in my mind is the same thing any film adaptation of a TV or Comic Book series suffers from: initial introduction of the characters and rules of their world massive information download. Given the complexity of any Fantasy / Horror / SF / Alternate Reality landscape, if you are approaching the making of the film–or book, or whatever–as it being the first of several, the result is that at least the first third of your initial movie–or volume, or whatever–is going to be akin to reading out a set of rules and regulations at the start of the school year. Remember that bit in Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life at the start of the classroom lecture which involved a long list of instructions about things to do if you were getting your haircut, but your older brother’s clothes were already on a lower peg and he wasn’t… Oh never mind, here it is, and watch it until just past the minute mark for what I’m talking about.

Right, got that? That’s my point, you see. Welcoming people into the world of Hellboy or Batman or The X-Men or The Lord of the Rings or whatever, is–if you’re not careful–just like that. Sadly, it’s also entirely necessary. While not every rule about the world is required straight off, you do need to know, for instance, that Harry Potter has been orphaned and left at the door of someone’s home, and that he’s not entirely a normal boy. That way, when you learn he’s a wizard, then the world of wizardry can be introduced to you the reader of the book or the viewer of the film along with our little lightning-bolt bearing laddie. This is also the advantage when adapting something in which the ‘rules of the world’ are actually being introduced to someone in the story, along with the readers or watchers.

Hellboy (2004)

The world of Hellboy, however, almost entirely exists before you get there, were it not for the ‘new guy’, John Meyers (played by baby-faced cuteness Rupert Evans), who is a recent graduate of FBI training supposedly reporting for his first assignment, which is at some place he’s never heard of and neither has the rest of the World (which is how the US Government wants it, thank you very much). Thus, in a sense, he becomes our way into this bizarre land of huge red men who use belt sanders to control the length of their horns the way normal people clip their finger nails.

The problem is that we’re introduced to so damned much here that the actual “doing of stuff” is so limited in opportunity that you really don’t have much foreplay before penetrating the actual adventure story itself. Not only do we first have to understand the initial discovery of Hellboy by the Nazis, we also have to meet his new protector and adoptive father Professor Broom, and the US Army Unit he’s with; plus Rasputin and Ilsa, who have opened-up a portal to another dimension and awakened forces known as “The Seven Gods of Chaos” on a tiny island off the coast of Scotland (you know, the way the Nazis were always doing); then have some time pass and we meet a much older Professor Broom (John Hurt); plus The Man Now in Charge, Tom Manning; plus a fish-like guy named Abe Sapien, who is a sort of empath; and then we meet the titular character. But a crisis occurs and we go and save the city. Meanwhile we get Hellboy’s flame Liz Sherman introduced as well, who has her own oddities, and that’s when the story really starts.

So… confused yet?

Honestly, it’s a damned heavy bit of lifting getting into the mythos of this world, especially given 99% of the people we meet in the opening sequence are seemingly erroneous once we’re past the titles, barring their responsibility for Helboy’s existence, and even the one who we do follow suddenly gets 60 years older. Coupled with the fact the opening’s visuals are so explosive and exciting–for most films this would qualify as SFX worthy only for a climax–it’s damned tough to have anything follow it at all. The only way to have gotten around that false climax would have been to get our boy to the secret base right at the start, then meet Professor Broom, chat for a few minutes, and then have Meyers get a briefing told in flash-back, so that we can have him reacting to the whole thing as we also do. I’m not sure there’s much to be gained through that, although it might seem far to superior to those who prefer things that way. Neither is actually better, it’s simply a matter of preference.

Anyway, Hellboy goes off with Fish-Guy and the ancient, underground city is ultimately saved after Hellboy gives in to Rasputin demand that Hellboy use his “Right Hand of Doom” to finally free the Seven Gods of Chaos. In other words, it doesn’t get any easier, no. Still, there’s some good action, you get a fair bit of character detail, and the visuals are fantastic.

Hellboy II: The Golden Army (2008)

The second film is far less work, mostly because you’re already up-to-speed with who the red guy is, plus his friends and co-workers. The story in the second film is far easier to follow as a result as well. Being in a far less time-spanning narrative makes this far more self-contained. However, the size of the saga is still substantial, involving an albino man (Luke Goss) who turns out to be Elfin Prince Nuada, who wants to get a missing bit of the crown his father King Balor broke apart, plus another bit that his sister, Princess Nuala, has in her possession. He must be stopped from doing this. There’s also a new character brought in: the bossy-pants Johann Krauss, who is incredibly intelligent and–sadly–he knows it and ensures that everyone else is aware of it as well. The whole pathos / humour balance is wonderfully accomplished, and kudos to writers Mignolo and del Toro for achieving the perfect mix.

The one sad thing is that we don’t have FBI-guy John Meyers, which is too bad as he’s the only normal human left in this world, it seems. Apparently actor Rupert Evans was already booked for a run of Kiss of the Spider Woman during the filming period and couldn’t make the shoot in Budapest, London, and County Antrim. 

In both films, it’s the visuals that make the stories work. Director Guillermo del Toro has an incredible gift when making fairy tales come to life, and seemingly takes the attitude that ‘less’ isn’t ‘more’, less is less; so let’s have more! The frame is rammed-full of textures and details for no reason other than “because he can”, and they all work perfectly. Something that often gets short shrift, when a folk tale or super-hero story gets a film made of it, is that these things aren’t supposed to be peopled with  pretty things, but lumpy and ugly stuff! When a set of rocks suddenly leap up and reveal themselves as a gigantic creature, there are oddly-shaped ovoids that don’t perfectly come together! This is far more  disturbing, as the sense of it seeming to be designed by humanity, or controlled by some sort of rational aesthetic, might cause it to seem more ‘normal’. Randomness and anarchy are always disturbing. S. del Toro embraces that, thank goodness; especially when dealing with the world of Nature.

So… oodles of work here for the casual viewer, yes. If you found the first one a bit too impenetrable, it’s understandable, but see the second one and I can guarantee you a better time and a far more entertaining one as well.

Hellboy (2004)
Revolution Studios presents
Lawrence Gordon Productions
Starlite Films
in association with Dark Horse Entertainment

Directed by
Guillermo del Toro

Writing credits
Guillermo del Toro (screenplay)
Guillermo del Toro (screen story) and Peter Briggs (screen story)
Mike Mignola (comic books)

Hellboy II: The Golden Army (2008)
Universal Pictures presents
in association with Dark Horse Entertainment,
Internationale Filmproduktion Eagle,
Lawrence Gordon Productions, and
Mid-Atlantic Films
in association with Relativity Media

Directed by
Guillermo del Toro

Writing credits
Guillermo del Toro (screenplay)
Guillermo del Toro (story) & Mike Mignola (story)
Mike Mignola (comic book)

This year, I’ve been watching DVDs from the library for a number of reasons, mostly to do with a combination of “filling in the gaps in my ‘pop culture’ knowledge”, as well as a concerted effort to better understand story editing by both watching a film and then re-watching listening to people who have studied that particular movie for years in order to better appreciate the themes, plot construction, symbolism, and so on.

The process would be nothing without the secondary audio tracks. Sometimes it’s like having actually been through the film-making process with the people involved.

Bubba Ho-Tep (2002)

If you have to read that last part again, do so, as the above is about the most straight-forward part of the tale. If you haven’t got that grasped firmly, you’ll be lost in the next paragraph for sure.

Elvis is in an old-age home suffering some sort of cancerous lesion on his penis, and JFK is now an African American living in terror that President Lyndon Johnson is going to locate him in the aforementioned care facility and ‘finish the job’.

Again, the above is insane, so I understand if you need to re-read that, if you don’t actually have to understand it, as it serves as what is the most far-fetched ‘MacGuffin’ potentially in the history of fiction. Frankly, you have to accept this in order to get into the story at all, and both characters provide enough explanation of how this can even be possible for anyone. The best thing to say on this topic is simply trust me, it works, and leave it at that. Watch the film if you haven’t already.

The film is based on–actually it owes its entirety to–a novella by Joe R. Lansdale, and nearly all of the dialogue and voice-over narrative is taken right from the source material. There are, apparently, two small things which were added by the director due to the visual nature of the medium, but nothing was removed for that reason from the original work. If anyone was looking for an example of how to adapt a strong story to the screen this is the best example of it imaginable. The dialogue, action, and plot are clearly told (once you get past the admittedly incredible points above), with the whole thing not only being entertainingly intelligent, it’s down-right fun to watch.

Hollywood could never have made this movie, as it seems incapable of presuming the audience has the capacity to comprehend the rules of a world in which Egyptian Pharaohs can come to life near a Texas old age home. Certainly, the popularity of this film is destined to be smaller than that of Star Wars or The Fantastic Four, but people said the same thing about The X-Men, Star Trek, and Doctor Who and look how those have shifted into film legacies!

This particular film is a perfect example of my belief that a strong plot, interesting characters, and a little bit of action are integral to a story. Whatever you do with those–change the timeline, make the characters’ details implausible, mix genre and story styles like a tossed salad–is immaterial as long as you have those three aspects rock-solid and complete in their development.

The DVD of this has two commentary tracks to accompany the film: one with the director and the actor who plays “Elvis” (Bruce Campbell), and another track with commentary by “The King”. It’s like a whole new movie.

Bubba Ho-Tep (2002)
Silver Sphere Corporation

Director:
Don Coscarelli

Writers:
original novella by Joe R. Lansdale
screenplay by Don Coscarelli

This year, I’ve been watching DVDs from the library for a number of reasons, mostly to do with a combination of “filling in the gaps in my ‘pop culture’ knowledge”, as well as a concerted effort to better understand story editing by both watching a film and then re-watching listening to people who have studied that particular movie for years in order to better appreciate the themes, plot construction, symbolism, and so on.

The process would be nothing without the secondary audio tracks. Sometimes it’s like having actually been through the film-making process with the people involved.

Seattle

• The Underground City of Mystery
• Cheri Priest’s entry about the thing is a good place to start to decide if you care about them at all
• the tours
• Wikipedia’s entry
• The Experience Music Project
• originally started as ex-Microsoft head Paul Allen’s honouring of Jimi Hendrix and all things musical and roughly Seattle, it’s expanded to be a very broad tent indeed.
• It also now has a Science Fiction Museum and Hall of Fame
• the official site
• Wikipedia entry
• some reviews on TripAdvisor to see if you like the sound of it (see what I did there? …genius!)
• Pike Place Market
• site of the very first Starbucks, which hasn’t been re-styled ever as far as I know
• people throw gigantic fish around
• shopping and fooding galore, a bit like that market near the Golden Hinde in London, betwixt the railway and London Bridge, only bigger (because this is America and they’re like that)
• Seattle Science Centre and the Space Needle
• well-designed and spacious museum explaining science of oodles of stuff, been there for years, you get to expeience science more than study it.
• right next to the big pointy thing, you can’t miss it

 
Vancouver Comic Shops (stop pouting, Laura)

• The Comic Shop (fairly uncreative a name, sadly)
• Over on Vancouver’s ‘west side’, in the Kitsilano neighbourhood (sometimes simply called “Kits”)
• Been there for years, good selection, there should be a sweet shop either next door or very close
• At the corner where there’s a traffic light is “Sophie’s Cosmic Café”, which provides good food and North American Diner décor with a soupcon of ‘eclectic’, all of which is popular with the locals
• Gotham Collectables
• Just down the hill from the shop above, a nice walk away with window shopping in between
• Rx Comics (slogan “We’ve got the prescription for your comic book addiction”)
• Main Street area–recently taking to calling itself “SoMa”, as in ‘South Main’, aren’t we all la di dah–with a goodly number of little boutiques and restaurants and cafes for those less graphic novel oriented
• Golden Age Collectables
• very much downtown, in the heart of the cinema and nightclub district
• posters and photos galore, in addition to graphic novels and “dear God, how much?” copies of rare comic books and ephemera
• ABC Book & Comic Emporium
• They used to be at the other end of downtown as Golden Age Collectables, now they’re 1/2-way between Kitsilano and SoMa, but do not walk there from either location unless feeling very fit or adventurous.
• How they ever moved is beyond my ken, they have more stock of all sizes and shapes than thought possible
• Books galore, graphic novels and single-issues of comics, classic literature and modern, non-fiction… more than enough to make your luggage over-weight in no time
• picture a proper big bookshop like Hay-on-Wye under one roof
• they have a cat who possibly weighs 87 pounds

 
Salt Spring Island

• Relaxing
• recommended
• Sex
• ibid
• Eating
• op cit.
• for other ideas, ask the locals

The Invisible Man (1933)

Despite the image in the poster, the titular character never once has searchlights behind his spectacles (if you’re hoping for that as a part of the film, better to look elsewhere, such as The Lord of the Rings trilogy with it’s all-seeing eye of Sauron). This film not only doesn’t have that, it also hasn’t any colour either. It is, however, full to the rim with excellent English actors being fantastic.

The fact you never see the face of the main character until the very last moment of his existence is the principle reason that Boris Karloff chose not to play the role, and thus we get to hear the fabulous tones of Claude Rains instead. Thank goodness director James Whale overhead the latter actor’s screen test by accident. The voice is, quite rightly, far more important than any box-office name might normally be. The intellectual quality of the scientist who accidentally becomes invisible is key to the story being effective, for it is this which not only permits the formula to be created in the first place, it is what makes the potential of the man’s evil so much the greater.

As my much-loved fellow film lover John Llewellyn Probert pointed out in his review of Rosemary’s Baby:

Ultimate evil isn’t Dennis Wheatley’s Mocata in a cape, it’s the annoying old couple who live next door, the obstetrician who wants your baby for his own devices, the best friend who kills themselves and leaves you alone again just as you thought you were managing to settle into your strange new environment a tiny bit. It’s the empty corridors that always look as if they’re hiding someone or something threatening around the next corner. It’s those individuals in our society (spouse, neighbour, doctor) that you should be able to trust but you can’t.

http://johnlprobert.blogspot.com/2011/11/rosemarys-baby-1968.html

This is precisely why the scientist must be highly intelligent: only the smartest men can create these things, and thus they are best fitted for the great responsibility which comes with that great power… right?

You see how scary that is suddenly?

Then add the erudite tones of the ‘Oxbridge’ accent to that and it explains a great deal about why all of Bond’s most well-known arch-enemies (barring a couple) have upper-class English accents. Responsibility and power ought to be the ingredients for goodness, not the ingredients for egregious evil!

While the extensive scene at the small road-house at the outset of the film is important for setting the scene and getting the viewer to know the rules of this situation, it does go on a bit over-long, with the result that the locals seem to take a hell of a long time to work out what’s going on with the man upstairs–admittedly realistically–and thus end-up looking very very stupid. The disbelieving officials also get over-used; which again seems realistic, who would take the word of a bunch of labourers that “there’s an invisible man living above our local!” Again, however, this is a movie and things ought to move along a bit quicker, otherwise Close Encounters of the Third Kind would run eighteen hours (and it’s long enough as it is, thank you).

The rarefied atmosphere of a film allows for things to be accepted more quickly than in real life, which in turn allows the audience to accept things more easily and efficiently as a result. The actors are scared, we are scared. The characters are dancing and making merry, we are dancing and making merry with them. The King of Spain is a man with a large blue hat, and those of us males with a large blue hat are also the King of Spain! You see?

Okay, skip the last one, probably.

To learn just how evil and amoral a scientist might become when reaching for the other tree in the Garden of Evil, have a look at this film. It’s exceedingly well-made, and moves along quite quickly despite my comments about the first act. You’ll likely be pleasantly surprised with the special effects, too!

The Invisible Man
Universal Pictures (1933)

Directed by
James Whale
 
Writing credits
H.G. Wells (novel)
R.C. Sherriff (screenplay)
Preston Sturges contributing writer (uncredited)
Philip Wylie (also uncredited)

This year, I’ve been watching DVDs from the library for a number of reasons, mostly to do with a combination of “filling in the gaps in my ‘pop culture’ knowledge”, as well as a concerted effort to better understand story editing by both watching a film and then re-watching listening to people who have studied that particular movie for years in order to better appreciate the themes, plot construction, symbolism, and so on.

The process would be nothing without the secondary audio tracks. Sometimes it’s like having actually been through the film-making process with the people involved.

The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1920)

The look of the film is fantastic (and see if you can locate a copy of the Kino-release with the film tinting), with all sorts of nifty imagery. There’s not a straight line anywhere, due to the “German Expressionist Style” making everything quite anarchic.

The wrap-around telling of the story either adds an extra level of vagueness to the story–is it madness, is it a dream fantasy, or is it reality–or simply makes you wonder “why did they bother to complicate the thing?” I’ve not made up my mind which camp I’m in.

The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1920)

Director:
Robert Wiene

Writers:
Hans Janowitz and Carl Mayer

This year, I’ve been watching DVDs from the library for a number of reasons, mostly to do with a combination of “filling in the gaps in my ‘pop culture’ knowledge”, as well as a concerted effort to better understand story editing by both watching a film and then re-watching listening to people who have studied that particular movie for years in order to better appreciate the themes, plot construction, symbolism, and so on.

The process would be nothing without the secondary audio tracks. Sometimes it’s like having actually been through the film-making process with the people involved.

Sadly, in my opinion, Harper has been handed a blank cheque to do whatever he wants, with no punishment in the offing. The national voters seem to have said “whatever it takes” in order to get whatever it is that is their individual priority. This makes me sad.

As with the previous post, what follows is a copy of my stream as I “live tweeted” the returns (which is hardly a verb, but I haz not a shit to carez for dat as the LOL-kidz say. This will again be in reverse chronology, so head to the bottom to work your way from start to finish.

	oytamarind Brad K — RT by IanAMartin What part of “CONTEMPT OF PARLIAMENT” do you guileless sheep not understand?! #elxn41 24 minutes ago
	@thedarkerside We’ll all be safe once everyone is in jail! …oh, wait… #elxn41bc 15 minutes ago
	#elxn41bc Bby Douglas is going to be a very close one again. NDP 43% to CPC 39%. I smell re-count. 17 minutes ago
	JonJennings Jon Jennings — RT by IanAMartin If one good thing comes out of this, it’ll be me finally applying for my citizenship so I can vote against these liars & criminals next time
	#elxn41bc Canada has handed Harper a blank cheque. What in blazes are we going to do until someone locks him in jail? 20 minutes ago
	@Astrogirl426 The PM + his Gov’t was charged with “contempt” (and that was a new charge to my ears) and out-right lied during campaign. Sad. 22 minutes ago
	@Astrogirl426 About to begin second glass of wine. #elxn41bc 25 minutes ago
	#elxn41bc Here’s a question: does this mean a resurgence of the Proportional Representation, I wonder? 25 minutes ago
	reneestephen Renée Stephe–RT by IanAMartin They used to say that Canada trails the US by about 10 years in terms of trends. We’re right on track, I guess. 26 minutes ago
	pqpolitics Pete Quily–RT by IanAMartin “I will serve as long as the party wants me to serve and not a day longer” Iggy Not long I’d suggest #elxn41 #lpc 27 minutes ago
	@Astrogirl426 Holy crap, it’s like 1980 when Reagan cleaned-up in California and re-drew everything conservative. #elxn41bc 28 minutes ago
	#elxn41bc Wow the CBC Translator’s microphone really needs to be grounded. Terrible buzz! 29 minutes ago
	@harrietglynn Don’t forget that the CPC is the Reform with new name, it’s NOT the old Tories. @smuttysteff @anthonyfloyd #elxn41bc 30 minutes ago
	PhoeLam Phoenix Lam–RT by IanAMartin In other news…my cat just ran into the door. LOL 31 minutes ago
	@smuttysteff @anthonyfloyd Well, it’s certainly the end of the [Liberal] party that we have known over the years. 33 minutes ago
	#elxn41bc Burnaby South/New West looks like NDP again. It moves around a bit historically. 34 minutes ago
	@AnthonyFloyd There’s some coughing [in the Liberal crowd] a second ago. I think they’re all incredibly stunned. #elxn41bc 35 minutes ago
	#elxn41bc Libby Davies ahead by over 2:1 and solid enough to call that one. 36 minutes ago
	#elxn41bc Liberals down 44 seats. It’s almost as bad as Kim Campbell taking Mulrony’s drubbing for him. 37 minutes ago
	#elxn41bc How odd that the crowd in front of Ignatieff isn’t doing traditional vocal denial of results when he congratulates Harper/Leighton. Well, okay, not odd; telling. 37 minutes ago
	@harrietglynn @smuttysteff Ken Dryden is behind substantially. I’ve said it before: there is no safe seat this year. 39 minutes ago
	CBCStephenQuinn Stephen Quinn–RT by IanAMartin Duceppe defeated. elxn41bc 41 minutes ago
	@Zoeyjane “Even the Bruins won”…? What riding were they in? I was… oh. sorry. #elxn41bc 40 minutes ago
	#elxn41bc Van South 1300 to 1100 (CPC to Liberal) 41 minutes ago
	ounodesign ouno–RT by IanAMartin RT @AndyJukes: Don’t call them Tories. The Tory party is long gone. These people are right-wing lunatics, plain and simple. #elxn41 42 minutes ago
	@AnthonyFloyd Pardon? Oh, I suppose that [Elisabeth May is] independent/other until [the Greens] have official status. [Vancouver East MP Libby Davies] got 550 to 235 last I saw. …so that’s something. #elxn41bc 44 minutes ago
	#elxn41bc BBY-Douglas is now NDP 46% to Cons 39%. And it just went there from a wider margin. Eeep! ~ Elizabeth May 566, next one is 543. 45 minutes ago
	CBCVancouver CBC Vancouver–RT by IanAMartin Type in your postal code and get results for your riding http://bit.ly/elnK8g #elxn41 50 minutes ago
	CBCStephenQuinn Stephen Quinn–RT by IanAMartin Popular Vote so Far: CPC 40 NDP 31 Lib 20 BQ 5 Green 3.5 #elxn41bc National Numbers 50 minutes ago
	#elxn41bc @harrietglynn Totally. [The Liberal’s drubbing is] a bullet [Ignatieff] will not dodge. Paul Martin bowed out after a far better position. 1 hour ago
	#elxn41bc @cbcnewsbc says independent/other in one riding. Please tell me this is Helena Georgis (badly spelled: turfed by Harper for rumours) 1 hour ago
	#elxn41bc Hating m keyboard layout. Hating! 1 hour ago
	vancouver East.#elxn41bc Libbie Davies ahead 2:1 in  ~~ 1 hour ago
	#elxn41bc Elisabeth May is in very slim lead by 39 votes. @Herne Ignatieff STILL behind by nearly 1,000 votes. ~ Bob Rae is very tight in the lead. ~ 1 hour ago
	EmmeRogers Emme Rogers–RT by IanAMartin What happened with the University Vote Mobs? Please don’t tell me they voted Conservative or neglected to actually vote? 1 hour ago
	#elxn41bc Chilliwack-Fraser Canyon sees Strahl’s son in with a 2:1 rate. Surprising, given his lack of experience. Vancouver-East: Con high 300, Liberal mid-200. The BQ and Liberals are both down the same amount of popular vote. Ken Dryden is out! KEN DRYDEN!!!! Un-be-liev-a-ble. 1 hour ago
	#elxn41bc @cbcnewsbc now caling Conservative Majority. I am getting wine now. BBY-Doug NDP ahead by 66%. Conservatives 2nd place, AND THEY DID NOTHING FOR THAT! 1 hour ago
	#elxn41bc Vancouver south: CPC 120, to Lib 90-odd. Sorry, @julesjulesjules ~ Vancouver East 216 to 135 (NDP vs. Cons) 1 hour ago
	smuttysteff Steffani Cameron–RT by IanAMartin 1 hour ago Anyone who didn’t vote today, they ever fucking whine to me about this country, NOT slapping them might be impossible.
	Herne Herne–RT by IanAMartin Gilles Duceppe is out! Ignatieff is still down by 1,000 votes! #cdnpoli #elxn41
	#elxn41bc There are no safe seats tonight. People have abandoned the Liberals and gone NDP? How ARE the Cons getting this support? 2 hours ago
	@jpadamson Usually, yes, but [Libby Davies’] lead right now is still very slim. Everything in Canada is up for change from the norm it seems. #elxn41bc 2 hours ago
	#elxn41bc Bby-Douglas 205 NDP, CPC 104. Again, close. ~ Vancouver East is 150 to 120 for NDP, but still too early. ~ Kooteney is CPC 2:1, Okanagan is CPC 7:3, New West-Coquitlam very very close. 2 hours ago
	#elxn41bc Vancouver East might not go NDP, but all numbers below 100 ~ Rishmond: CPC 4:1 [I swear I hadn’t even opened wine at this point] ~ Okanagan Shuswap: CPC 2:1 ~ Delta-Richmond CPC 3:1 ~ Bby-Douglas looks like NDP so far. ~ 2 hours ago
	@julesjulesjules so very saddening. #elxn41bc #whereIsThatWine ~ South Surry: CPC by 3:1 ~ Cariboo: CPC by 3:1 ~ Too Close to call: Vcvr-Quadra, Vcvr-Kingsway. Both look NDP-leaning 2 hours ago
	CBCVancouver CBC Vancouver–RT by IanAMartin Current results: CON 153 NDP 106 LIB 31 BQ 4 #elxn41 2 hours ago
	@inkcanada Even URBAN Ontario has gone blue. What country is this? Has John A come back? #elxn41bc 2 hours ago
	inkcanada Karen Walton–RT by IanAMartin Ontario, I never knew ye. You have swallowed the Kool-Aid and yet hate on pre-change US? Really, rural ON. wow. 2 hours ago
	@Watcher58 That’s what I thought. It’s like Reagan cleaning-up in California. By today’s standards, Reagan would make a good Liberal leader. #elxn41bc 2 hours ago
	#elxn41bc Richmond is CPC (Wong) by 151 to 36 for liberals ~ Kootenay is CPC (Wilkes) by 2:1 ~ If there’s oodles of conservative support, why am I living here still? #whereIsThatWine 2 hours ago
	#elxn41bc According to CBC prediction: Conservatives 153 seats. One more and they’ll have a true majority. Oops! 151 seats now. 2 hours ago
	#elxn41bc Duceppe behind by 1/3 in his riding. Harper’s ahead by 500% in his riding. Ignatieff behind by 10% in his. 2 hours ago
	CBCStephenQuinn Stephen Quinn–RT by IanAMartin Wait… BC could decide on whether it’s a CPC majority. Don’t turn it off yet! #elxn41bc 20 hours ago
	#elxn41bc Ontario is rejecting the Liberals in droves. I’ve never seen that. I wonder when it last was this way. Duceppe and Ignatieff are both trailing in 2nd place in their ridings. The whole Canadian Political map is being redrawn. The clear message voters are giving is “Harper can do ANYTHING he wants.” So very sad. 20 hours ago
	@TheresaLalonde #elxn41bc I suspect that Justin [Trudeau] might actually refuse to run for leader [of the Canadian Liberal Party]. He’s already seen what that demands. 20 hours ago
	#elxn41bc CBC predicts NDP as er Majesty’s Loyal Opposition. I can live with that. ~ …okay. Conservatives 138, NDP 87, Lib 29, BQ 6. Time for wine, I think. ~ What with the results we have now, the desire to start a pool about when @petermansbridge sits down calls to me. 20 hours ago
	smuttysteff Steffani Cameron–RT by IanAMartin Don’t know why I’m even planning to watch the election results. I wonder if there’s a hole I can go stick my head in somewhere. 20 hours ago
	#elxn41bc Volpe is at HALF the CPC candiate’s numbers. What the hell happened? I didn’t think the Conservatives had a chance! I know long-term Tories who refused to vote for the Harper-led party. Ajax/Pickering: CPC ahead by 25%. Ignatieff is ahead by one. ONE vote! Incredible. Totally insane. 20 hours ago
	#elxn41bc Things are early still, but CBC TV saying 132 Con, 70 NDP, Lib 29, Bloc 5. Missed the radio numbers. Volpe is out, PC replaced him in Eglington. Surprising. So is Soloman waving his arms around. Not normal for him. 20 hours ago
	CBCAlerts CBC News Alerts–RT by IanAMartin Cabinet ministers Peter MacKay, Gail Shea re-elected . Defence minister wins in NS, fisheries minister wins in PEI. 20 hours ago
	#elxn41bc CBC reporting 62 NDP seats, Liberals 27, Bloc 5. Liberals looking worst in its history. CBC projecting CPC government with 131 seats (150 for majority). #whereIsThatWine 20 hours ago
	smuttysteff Steffani Cameron–RT by IanAMartin Global is apparently CALLING the election nationally without even having had polls close on the west? If so, fuck off, Global. Asshats. 20 hours ago
	#elxn41bc I still say the easiest process for voting is a pencil and a bit of paper. #HangingChads 20 hours ago
	#elxn41bc Damned fingers are cold, plus a bandage on one of them, and this netbook has an 80% keyboard. #NotDrinkingYet #Really #Seriously 20 hours ago
	CBCStephenQuinn Stephen Quinn–RT by IanAMartin 8 minutes Until we are able to report results. Man. Long eight minutes. 20 hours ago
	#elxn41bc I’m guessing that Vancouver-South will be Dosanj due to Leung’s civil case and Malik’s approval. …okay, HOPING that happens. 20 hours ago
	CBCVancouver CBC Vancouver–RT by IanAMartin 11 minutes left before results @petermansbridge continues to introduce the Canada Votes panel #elxn41 20 hours ago
	#elxn41bc Hearing @CBCStephenQuinn discussing Social Media #tweettheresults points. AM 690 / FM 88.1 20 hours ago
	gaybachelorblog Gay Bachelor Blog–RT by IanAMartin #tweettheresults The blueberries are at 25, the strawberries at 21, oranges at 15  20 hours ago
	Jessica Adamson @jpadamson–RT by IanAMartin UBC students are getting turned away from the polls? Does anyone have confirmation. #elxn41bc 20 hours ago
	Herne Herne–RT by IanAMartin Canada : Stephen Harper breaks election rules, campaigns on radio on election day http://herne.me/isuIAa #cdnpoli #elxn41 20 hours ago
	#elxn41bc Narduar on TV right now with Ignatief. Thank goodness the signal’s muted. ~ Burnaby-Douglas was NDP last time by 700 votes, CPC 2nd place. No campaigning by them this time, so NDP #1 and CPC #3. My guess is that Atlantic Canada will go CPC and Liberal, as those are very tradition-based voting patterns. Multi-gen. traditions #prediction 20 hours ago
	ChrisDca Chris D.–RT by IanAMartin Interesting. Americans on Twitter encouraging Canadians to e-mail them early election results and they’ll tweet them. #tweettheresults 22 hours ago
	CBCVancouver CBC Vancouver–RT by IanAMartin CBC takes a light look at #elxn41 with @CBCDragon kicking things off. @kevinolearytv says he wouldn’t want to be PM as it doesn’t pay enough. 20 hours ago
	#elxn41bc I wonder if the CPC candidate for Bby-Douglas ever knocked on a door? *I* never saw him. ~ Polls close in 26 minutes people. VOTE YOUR ASS OFF (presuming you haven’t yet). ~ Evan Soloman looks so spiffy in his suit and his gigantic iPad. He keeps making smileys on it too.  20 hours ago
	#elxn41bc Hey, Harper! You shouldn’t “be in Ottawa dealing with the economy”, you should be dealing with the Contempt Charges! 21 hours ago
	#elxn41bc The real question about @cbcnewsbc TV coverage: will @petermansbridge get to sit down? ~ Hey! @petermansbridge is following 42 people now! ~ AHA! @petermansbridge is standing! 21 hours ago
	#elxn41bc A Conservative majority results in nation-wide celibacy. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement 21 hours ago
	Currently watching Gloria and New Guy chat… oh, now we’re in commercial. BC feed not picked up on radio yet, polls close in 40 #elxn41bc 21 hours ago
	raincoaster raincoaster–RT by IanAMartin @IanAMartin Personally, I’m thinking watching the election on the big screen at a casino might be a good metaphor #Vancouver #lazyweb 21 hours ago
	CBCStephenQuinn Stephen Quinn–RT by IanAMartin Going Live with our local coverage in 12 minutes on CBC Radio One. Tag your local tweets #elxn41bc and we’ll pull them in to Cover it Live. 21 hours ago
	Currently in basement, on netbook, @cbcradio on, @cbcnewsbc muted on TV… all is ready. #elxn41bc 21 hours ago

BC Premier Resigns!!

This resulted, barely over two months later, in the headline on the left: “Premier’s resignation ‘emotional’ for Liberals”. It was also emotional for non–Liberals, but an entirely different and diametrically opposed one, I assure you.

Clearly I have more power than even Stephen Colbert does, and am able to topple reigning governments.

Thus, I now call the attention of the Right Honourable Stephen Harper, QC PC; Prime Minster of Her Majesty’s Dominion of Canada; leader of the Conservative Party of Canada; and Member of Parliament for Calgary Southwest, that he is being called out for being ‘a big poopie head’! He may choose to ignore this, but he is urged to hie his thoughts to the fate of the previous leader to be like engaged on this blog.

I vaguely recall people suggesting that President Clinton ought was to be impeached for merely lying about getting a blow-job in the Oval Office, yet this nit-wit gets to blame the other parties for anything that pops into his head. Why, when refusing to provide simple financial information about budgetary estimates, even after being ordered to do so by a Parliamentary Committee, does he get to ignore the fact and say in the House of Commons that “the Opposition is refusing to negotiate about this budget” and not get bounced on his pointy head on the way into a holding cell?

Stephen Harper, Canadian Prime Minister, at Jan. 2010 World Economic Forum (photo, Remy Steinegger)

Plus, for a Conservative Party Leader, Mr. Harper does a terribly poor job of respecting traditions, I might add.

No matter what your political stripe, and despite your view of the policies of ‘the Harper Government’ (as he’s now decreed the ‘Government of Canada’ is to be referred),  you’ll probably agree that a guy who doesn’t follow the rules of his own parliamentary system really ought to give his head a shake.

My principle concern is the seeming ease that Mr. Harper has with ignoring the truth, ignoring the need to rule in an open manner, and to follow the law of the Her Majesty’s House of Parliament.

When Mr. Harper says that a coalition isn’t an acceptable way to form a government–after attempting to form one in 2004, plus the fact that it’s perfectly fine according to the British Parliamentary system–he’s lying.

When he says he was defeated because of the budget–when the motion of non-confidence specifically referenced not just one, but the first two findings of ‘Contempt of Parliament’ for a PM in the history of the Commonwealth–he’s lying.

When he says that average Canadians don’t care about “political manœuvrings”–when, I would like to point out, this ‘average Canadian’ does care about the wording of motions made in the House of Parliament and would damned well like him to start caring about it them as well–he’s lying.

His then standing around and saying “those guys, those other political guys over there, shouldn’t get any help trying to stop my run-away train in its head-long rush to an American-style bicameral governmental structure” just pisses me right off. Here’s something the talented actor Peter New posted on Facebook a few days ago, with his comments coming first, then the newspaper article he’s reacting to just after that.

OK, so what he means here is, “my party can pay our election costs either way due to the support we get from wealthy donators, and if we scrap this subsidy we can win more elections because the other guys are all supported by poor people.” Or am I misreading it?

Tired of constant campaigns, Harper says he’ll scrap per-vote subsidy (“Globe and Mail”)–Last attempt to eliminate public stipend for political parties triggered coalition attempt to topple Tories in 2008

No, Mr. New, you are spot-on with your assessment. What in blazes does Mr. Harper think he can get away with here? Basically he’s saying “Well, we’re in power now so what you, the electorate, have to do is re-elect us with a proper majority. This way, we can ensure that those other parties will never be able to stage a meaningful campaign ever again, and I can have the ‘PM for Life’ title that God created me for.”

Lest you think that he’s not already of a mind that he’s in a position of superiority, remember that this is the guy who decided that the name of the country wasn’t as important in the Government’s identity as his own name; is of the opinion that ‘marriage’ is something only acceptable between people of opposing genders, despite the fact that ‘love’ seems to be in short supply around the World; decided last year that it was somehow wrong to make the census ‘long form’ mandatory and preserve the usefulness of the data and the money spent to gather it; and declared that there was no actual need to examine any options for new fighter-jets, beyond the asking “which one did the USA opt for?”, thus giving the country a cost currently estimated* at over $264 million for each of the 64 aircraft!

I’m fed-up with the whole lot of political leaders in the country, by the way, but will admit to being most fed-up with Harper; both as a politician as well as a man.

I yearn for those days when the leaders still directly engaged with one another. You know, the “You had an option, sir!” era? Back when we actually had leaders! You know, like Pierre Elliot Trudeau, John Diefenbaker, and even Joe Clark: people who, even if you didn’t agree with their thinking, clearly were making a decision that was based on something other than their own Sisyphean, hubris-stuffed whims.

An illuminating essay by Murray Dobbin about the retrenchment of Canada’s unique governing codes in favour of American ones can be READ AND/OR DOWNLOADED HERE. I admit I’ve not read a word of it, but seeing as the above screed of my own had resulted in me needing a lie-down, the essay of Mr. Dobbin’s would most likely require me to have a coronary by-pass.

Again I will point out to Mr. Harper that the last time I stood up for what I believe in, the result was a party leadership campaign.

ADDED LATER: Again, thanks to Mr. New for pointing out this development: it now seems that Mr. Harper cares not for even the semblance of accountability, as the media invited to a ‘photo op’ are limited to that activity only, and that any questions of any nature are no longer welcomed.

And now, here’s Stephen Colbert’s version of the fall of the government. Because by this point we all need a laugh.

* We would know exactly what it will be, but that’s one of the things not being provided to the House of Commons [RETURN]