I.A.M. Musing About…

And so, only a bit behind our scheduled take-off time, we’re off the ground and defying gravity precisely in the way man was never meant to do without the development of the æronautical sciences. Just me, the flight crew, and the combined Paralympic teams of South Africa, Norway, and Poland. While it’s unlikely that anyone will be able to demonstrate what makes these athletes stronger, better, and faster than us while on the plane, it’s still enough to make one feel just a tad inferior when looking at one’s girl-like wrists.

The last few hours were spent packing the things deemed “cannot do without” such as socks, underwear, shirts, and the fez. Also gifties for people I’ll be seeing who deserve said things. Chances are that they’ll not appreciate it… but I’ll feel better for having provided something a little extra for them. Total baggage weight came in just under the allowance, so all is well.

On the way to the airport, Jennifer and I had a spirited discussion about current events (proposal has been made for municipal elections to provide voting power to businesses, in addition to citizens. Our considered opinion: “that’s dumb! They’d be dumb to do that! That’d be, like, DUMB!” So we got that sorted easily, as well as the typical last-minute stuff, like what to do when the books arrive from the printers while I’m gone and so on.

Air Canada has power at the seats! I can re-charge my lap-top while they fly! Hooray!

Also fun is the touch-screen entertainment system… although mine froze-up playing Kate Bush’s album The Kick Inside. I’m not blaming her, though.

Some sort of dinner suddenly arrives, and smells like spicy… thing. In the end it’s Chicken Penne in a tomato sauce of decent taste, as well as a corn / haricots vert / julienne carrot vinaigrette salad, and a chocolate brownie with chocolate poured upon it. Granted the bread-like object that came with dinner could have used some sort of leavening agent; while not actually matzo, it could hardly have been called ‘a light, fluffy, Euro-inspired piece of dinner bread’. How one has the gall to be so picky at 35,000 feet whilst travelling at 569 MPH though air at a temperature of –70.6°F is beyond me, but this is something one does after spending what seems to be too much money for bad food.

How is it that the little plastic knife disappears as soon as it’s placed on the tray? It’s probably around my ankle somewhere, about to stab itself into my leg when I attempt to get comfy under the little blue blankey they give you (wrapped in plastic for you to stay awake wondering what to do with the crinkly stuff for hours until we land!). If you have the answer for these things, fortunes will be lain at your feet! Or, more probably, you’ll get a nice, firm, handshake of thanks.

Louis C.K. has it right, however: when you leave the ground, you should turn to someone and yell: HOLY SHIT! WE’RE IN THE SKY! THIS IS AWESOME! LOOK OUT THE WINDOW! WE’RE FLYING! WOW! LOOK HOW HIGH WE ARE NOW! MAN, THIS IS… WOW, LOOK AT THE CLOUDS! WE’RE IN THE CLOUDS, MAN!

I suspect that if I actually do this, however, the Nordic gentleman sitting next to me will either not understand a word I’m saying, punch me in the face until I am no longer conscious, or both. As he’s taking the ‘do not eat the offered meal, drink equal amounts of beer and mineral water, read a magazine while also watching a French movie with English sub-titles making fun of both Italians and Germans equally, and then ordering more beer and water’ approach to changing time zones, the best course of action is to simply sit here and type away industriously whilst listening to an Art Blakey album and sip my apple juice and water, and make not a sound. How odd: he’s wearing two wrist-watches of equal complexity.

In a short while perhaps I’ll ignore the enRoute entertainment system some more and watch some more of Blake’s 7. Then nap. Because it’s after 5:30AM in London now.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 23rd, 2010 at 5:30 am and is filed under BLOG-O-RAMA, Humour, LIT-O-RAMA, NEWS, Personal, THINKINESS, books, horror. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.